your eyes

very often i am surprised by what people think of me.

other people think better of me than i think of myself.

which is ok.  that's cool.

but i don't really understand why.

i don't know what they see about me or in me.

some people i feel like i barely know and they say nice things about me and i just wonder to myself how they see that.

i don't get it.

not complaining, but i dont get it.

i wonder what it would be like to see myself through someone elses eyes.  i really would like to try that.

sorry blogger, i've been really neglecting you.

too busy.  so busy.  maybe when school is done i'll write more.

probably.

it's coming

it is SO nice outside today.

i caught a scent on the breeze that instantly took me back to last summer, with a cookout over at E4.

those were such good days.

those tuesdays before his house when i'd get a text saying something like "bugers at my place around 5:30 if you want."

i can't wait for summer.  just this nice weather is enough to remind me of everything pleasant about the coming season.  it's enough to motivate me and make me feel like i can actually finish all of my homework that's been stacking up.

(btw, it's "summer" as soon as the semester is over)

waking up with the sun shining happily in the sky and the birds singing outside my window is enough to make me want to get out of bed instead of rolling over and trying to hide from the day.  it's great.

i can't wait to do things outside.  i want to ride my bike places. i want to run around. kick a ball. throw a frisbee. hackey sack.

i've got this list of fun things to do and luckily i also have the coolest girl ever to do everything with.

despite everything, i cannot help but be optimistic.

i can't wait for summer's embrace.

time

time.

i spent a lot of time feeling hopelessly devoted to girls.

not a lot of them.

but a few, in the past.

i always thought of them and how i could wrap my world into theirs, cutting out any pieces necessary to make myself fit with them.

i was always in danger of sacrificing too much.

i wanted every minute i could spare to be spent with them.

and also the minutes i could not spare.

in the end i just felt like i cared more about it than they did.

i fell harder.

luckily God held my hand the whole time.

i may have looked away from Him, but i at least didn't let go. 

now, as it seems, there's this girl who is crazy about me.

it's the strangest thing, you know?

because i'm crazy about her, and in that i understand her feelings.

it's odd.

it's good, no doubt.

but i feel like it's something i've never come across before.

i don't think you can know what right feels like until you've felt it.

and this just feels right.

and i love every minute of it.  all of the time.

time.

yesterday at real men, aj asked me some questions because i volunteered to talk.  it was good.  i'm a big believer in the idea that if you do as God asks you to and take care of other people and serve them and do God's will, then God will provide for you, take care of you.  i've seen it happen plenty of times in my own life.  but i seem to have a hard time getting into reading my bible, in carving out time to spend with God. i feel like i'm too busy and have so many things to do all thet ime.  AJ made me realize that i haven't been applying my belief to this situation.  if i make time to spend with God, won't he bless my time spent elsewhere and make sure i'm taken care of?

yes.  yes i think He will.

so starting right now, i'm going to make time to spend reading and praying.  i've certainly been blessed with far more than i deserve.  the least i can do is spend a little bit of my day doing things that show my thanks.

yeah

this is not a "summary of spring break" blog post.

i'll probably have one later.

i just wanted to mention that when i actually get to talk about everything i've done over the past day or week or anything, i feel much less like writing about it all.

i think i just really want to tell my stories to somebody, and when somebody asks me about what i've done and they really care to hear about it all, i feel less like i have to tell these pages, writing these lines of text.

it's nice, really.

also, my spring break isn't over yet.

but i've got a heck of a lot of work to get done.

and noellen is here for the week, which is cool.

and btw i'm in love and it's the best thing ever.

yeah?  yeah.