time

time.

i spent a lot of time feeling hopelessly devoted to girls.

not a lot of them.

but a few, in the past.

i always thought of them and how i could wrap my world into theirs, cutting out any pieces necessary to make myself fit with them.

i was always in danger of sacrificing too much.

i wanted every minute i could spare to be spent with them.

and also the minutes i could not spare.

in the end i just felt like i cared more about it than they did.

i fell harder.

luckily God held my hand the whole time.

i may have looked away from Him, but i at least didn't let go. 

now, as it seems, there's this girl who is crazy about me.

it's the strangest thing, you know?

because i'm crazy about her, and in that i understand her feelings.

it's odd.

it's good, no doubt.

but i feel like it's something i've never come across before.

i don't think you can know what right feels like until you've felt it.

and this just feels right.

and i love every minute of it.  all of the time.

time.

yesterday at real men, aj asked me some questions because i volunteered to talk.  it was good.  i'm a big believer in the idea that if you do as God asks you to and take care of other people and serve them and do God's will, then God will provide for you, take care of you.  i've seen it happen plenty of times in my own life.  but i seem to have a hard time getting into reading my bible, in carving out time to spend with God. i feel like i'm too busy and have so many things to do all thet ime.  AJ made me realize that i haven't been applying my belief to this situation.  if i make time to spend with God, won't he bless my time spent elsewhere and make sure i'm taken care of?

yes.  yes i think He will.

so starting right now, i'm going to make time to spend reading and praying.  i've certainly been blessed with far more than i deserve.  the least i can do is spend a little bit of my day doing things that show my thanks.