i don't really get it

listening to: Thrice - Image of the Invisible

i don't think God is allowing me to stay unhappy for any sort of long period of time.
track with me.

these last couple months have been stressful as far as my family is concerned. there are times when i feel really upset about it, but it's not long at all before something comes into my life or something happens that makes me feel better, unable to be unhappy. this happened more than once yesterday.

by all means, yesterday was a fantastic day. it started with having lunch with reme for her birthday. that was fun. i drove her new car, which seems pretty nice. brought her back home and then left. my siblings never want me to leave the house once im there. on the drive downtown i was listening to Daedalus from the Wind cd and i was really thinking about father/sun relationships. when i think about things from my dad's perspective, it hurts, because i know he's hurting in all this and he's frustrated with how things have to be. i know he's really proud of me but i know it's hard to let me go and out of my own. and i think about how someday i might have a sun and i'll go through the same thing and it will be hard for me too. i get sentimental about family stuff, heh. so i was a mite bit t34ry over it but once i got downtown things were cool and i enjoyed hanging out with people.

once i got to work i was feeling a bit down again. after about an hour or so of work i looked at my phone and saw that Jo had called. i almost panicked because i couldn't call her back. she sent a text though, and she is still coming through for me on California, and I can't thank her enough for that. so it's pretty hard to stay unhappy or disappointed when you just found out you're going to california in a week or so. and the people i work with are so cool that just hanging out and talking to them makes me feel better.

but honestly, every time i get down there's something to bring me right back up. it's nice and all, but i almost feel guilty about it. at least as far as my family is concerned. here i am living away from them all and not dealing with the day to day of my parents living in separate places, and i'm happy and having some good times. but maybe i'm supposed to be happy. if not for me, for others. there's too much unhappiness in the world, too many broken people with too little hope. i should be happy as long as i don't keep it to myself. give a little love back, you know? if not me then who else? there are some things you just can't wait around for somebody else to do.

love people as God does. see them as a child of God. this is a better way to live with people. show someone love that's not based on a list of reasons. if nobody has noticed yet, love doesn't seem to be a resonable and logical thing. a love based on a list of reasons can fade, pass, because people and circumstances change. love simply because. because we were all created by and loved by God. that's more than enough reason for me to show you what real love is.

how fitting that this song just started playing on random