"with the camera as a witness"

listening to: Every Time I Die - The New Black
apology for some language


Baby, you got me all wrong
and maybe
i'm not at all down and out
i'm high and i'm in

don't you know who i am?
i'm the jaded one with pop insensitivity
and when i finish struggling
we can make our way to the dance floor and stand like strangers
in an elevator stuck between stories
i always find myself in the middle of your stories
-----

there's more to it but oh well. that's all i cared to type.
fun song. fun to play via guitar.

um.... now what?
i had these good ideas like 20 minutes ago and now where have they gone?

yesterday was good. jammed with alex and scotty then played a crossover munchkin game. good times. i won! :)

every time i sit down with my guitar i can come up with something new or make a little cool alteration to something i've already made up. at least it seems this way. i think i should sit down with my guitar more often.

hm... my stomach seems to want food.....
...whelp i just ate a sandwich, so that's taken care of now :)
oh, justin brought over lime jello for me to try with peanut butter. in case you forgot, i have a theory that states "anything that tastes good alone will taste as good or better with peanut butter." the theory stands strong. the peanut butter actually made the jello taste better. so there.

talked to my sister for a bit today, it was nice. have i ever mentioned that i love having sisters? well i do. hung out with west for a bit too, don't get to do that so much anymore. sad. things with arif and selvije are different, mostly because it's so much harder to carry on a conversation with them. i just like to give selvije some attention anyway, because i know she eats it up. she loves having me as a big brother and she just wants to sit by me and stuff. i think i feel most disconnected with arif. he's just a year younger than i am, but it never seems that way. how crazy must it be to live in this world where he doesn't comprehend the things that people say all the time? he is by no means stupid or dumb, but he just can't communiate at near the same level. i never know what to talk to him about, and then i have to choose my words in a way that he understands. it's just complicated.

today arif asked me (again, like last week) if kelley had a boyfriend. reme again expressed her regret that kelley wasn't around anymore and went so far as to suggest taking some sort of action to change that (o_o). last week my dad threw out his own "too bad" line to me. i know people, i know. i wonder what kind of reaction a new girl would get from them. i mean, kel and the previous girlfriend were at waaayyyy opposite ends of the spectrum of quality. my siblings had a bad reference point to start out with seeing. never again will i go through that, and i don't think my famly will let me, at least not easily. though reme would probably want to be great friends with whoever it would be, she's just like that. really nice.

i think this month and next are going to be similar to this time last year, but opposite.
because that's the way i feel about things.
and there's much to be learned when you don't know anything.
i don't know what love is.