day done

listening to: Dub Trio - Bay vs. Leonard

today i paid school $996. then i paid the car fixing place $215.
/sigh
there goes so much of the money i would have liked to use for guitar stuff, and save for a laptop, and a trip to california. i am not a fan of money. sure, i can do a lot of fun things with money, but it's people that make me happy, friends and family. money is not a real big concern of mine. i know i'll always be taken care of, i don't need to worry about my daily bread, and that's what will keep me alive. if money happens, then it happens. i just need to remember to do good things with it if i do have it.

tomorrow i'll be getting down to business on internship work. i'll be happy to do so. then going to play ultimate later on, should be fun :)

my birthday is now a week away. i've got something in mind to get myself but i'm not sure if i will. i guess we'll see eh?

today i talked to giannii for a couple minutes. his interview with a company went well and he'll be doing some contract work for them. he said something about them wanting him to eventually lead a team or something of the sort, and giannii said if that happened he may be able to get me a job. then i realized i had to ask myself the question, what would i do if i had a job offer in california?

0_0

i don't know! i think things are far off from having to decide on something like that, but what if? crazy. i guess it would probably be good to take it. chances are though, my circumstances will be different at whatever time this possibility might by chance happen maybe. it's something that would have to be handled if/when it came. i think i'd be up for it though. i think.

in closing, a friend of mine has been extremely lame these past 2 days. i won't bother being overly vague because you probably know who i'm talking about. he needs to wake up and realize he is being used, and more likely than not he's using. the only reason that relationship is still going is selfishness on both sides. they both want things from each other, and they want them enough to stay in a dysfunctional situation just to get it. it makes me so angry to see and hear all the complaints and BS that goes on there, and then the next day he ditches his friends ALL DAY LONG to be with her. it's just stupid. a relationship is supposed to do good. it should make the ones involved better. it just frustrates me so much to see him falling down for her instead of being built up. the last relationship i was in, i wanted to grow and be a better person, not because she wanted me to but because i wanted to be that much better for her. she was somebody that inspired me to just try harder and be more, whether she ever knew that or not. this is not the case at all with my friend. all i see is demand for sacrifice for her, guilt if he doesn't, and lack of motivation to do more with his life. lies are not a good way to carry on with a relationship. end rant.

"unless of course you want it to be difficult?" he suggested.

"i don't know," i said. " sometimes it seems that way.
like it must be a struggle or it's not satisfying.
it needs to be hard or else what is there to say i have overcome?"

"now there's a thought!" he mused.
"a blessing is only worth receiving if it took a hardship to secure?
i think that clearly misses the point of a blessing.

there are no blessings found in the past,
only awaiting in the future."