a couple thoughts

listening to: The Devil Wears Prada - Dogs Can Grow Beards All Over

no shave november is ending in approximately 10 minutes.

it will probably be done by the time i finish this.

note the title of the song i'm listening to.  appropriate.

today at work i was coming up with music to a song.

i made up some sweet stuff in my head and i really really hope i don't forget what it is.

in my mind it's sort of this cross between Anberlin, dredg and some Protest the Hero thrown in the.  the PtH aspect came from me thinking "this part sounds a little bit repetetive and stagnant, what would Protest the Hero do?"  haha.  i started a bit of lyrics too.  there is definitely screaming involved.  i'd like to see me actually carry this idea through to something instead of dropping it like i do too many others.

here's a thought.

the more lonley i feel, the more alone i get.

i do not feel either lonely or alone right now.  it's just a thought i had the other day.  when i'm lonely i think i tend to seclude myself.  i'm not saying i've done this recently or anything, but i think it's something that holds pretty true for me.  i get more introspective and such i think.  whatev dawg.

here's another thought.

i seldom win at solitaire.  it's just true.

and a last thought.

sometimes when i look in the mirror i see different versions of me.  lately i've seen a me that's pretty confident.  i'm happy with myself.  and i like having a beard :D   i see a me that feels alive.  occasionally i'll see somebody else.  but ever since i got my hair cut, i feel new.  i feel better.  there's nothing for me to hide behind, and i know i hid behind my hair plenty of times.  it's funny, a handful of people at work who didn't recognize me after the haircut said they only realized it was me when i smiled.  i liked hearing that.  i like smiling.  i like life.  yeah?  yeah.

i need to find something to get me pumped up for my soccer games.  something to make care less about getting hit, because i'd play a lot better if i could keep the thought in my head that i'm not made of glass.  any suggestions?  what gets you pumped?

i think metal would work pretty well if i could play it loud.  i can't broadcast my music in my car though, and i'm not about to turn the earbuds on my zune to 11 while they sit just outside my ear canal.  ya feel me?   maybe something like... chewing shrapnel or boxing a kangaroo.  yeah.

"chainsaw brutality, tornado strength"

that's all.  :)

this is it

you have no idea why i'm posting this.  do you?

except for you.

insides

listening to: The Number Twelve Looks Like You - My Sharona (originally by The Knack)

today i realized i'm attracted, or drawn to, tragedy/sadness/lonliness.

i don't mean that to say that I want to be any of those things, but hostorically that kind of thing has drawn me towards a girl, seeing that in them.  there's this desire in me to fix, to make better, to comfort, and so when i see that need i want to help it.  this isn't necessarily a bad impulse, but handled incorrectly it can cause more harm than good.

and it's not just today that i realized this point, i've known this about myself for a while now.  but today is the first time i've realized how this impulse in me has been affecting my thinking lately, in a way i don't wish to share with the interwebz.  (i say a lot, but i don't say everything here)

i understand sadness and lonliness, and i know it's not fun.  i can relate to it.  that's part of why i'm drawn to make it better for another person sometimes.  but since when has joy and happiness attracted me?  can i not relate to those things as well as i can the sad things?

i hope that's not the case.

but that's why something lately has felt so strange to me.  i realized that i've been searching for some sign of sadness, of lonliness, of a desire to not be alone.  i've been looking for an empty feeling of discontent that i can fill.  is that because i think that then there's a reason for me to be around?  like i have a place to belong to?  i don't know.  this is my thought process as i go along.

but maybe now i want joy instead of sadness.  maybe i want to join in with the happiness instead of trying to be the reason for it.

maybe i'm figuring myself out and finding my faults and learning where i'm weak and seeing where to walk.  maybe i'll do something different.

i wish i could talk to a clone of myself for a day.  or maybe less than a day.  i probably couldn't stand myself for too long.  i think i could talk a lot of sense into me, given a little time.  i know the stupid things i do, the things that don't make sense.  i'd be the only one willing to be hard enough on myself to get through to me.  when my voice is only in my head though, it's easy to shut out.  i should take the advice i'd give me if i asked myself.

heh.

this is absolutely all about relationships.

-----

in other news:

i drove out to Ionia today to pick up a guitar case i bought from a guy on craigslist.  $50, but he gave it to me for $40 because i drove all the way out there.  nice guy.  now i have a hard case for my guitar and i'm pleased.

hung out with rich, adam, twinkia, travis and casey again tonight.  last night twinkie broke my little chair that rocks and he felt real bad.  he had the same kind of chair at home, but upgraded to leather, and while i was at his house he made me take that home with me to replace it.  and he bought me some burger king.  he wouldn't let me pay him back for it.  it's a shame i don't hang out with him aside from when rich, adam or travis come home.  travis won't be back for another year.  air force.  las vegas.  bye dude.

lovely friends, those guys are.  had a good talk with rich last night.  i miss him when he's gone in chicago for so long.  cya on Christmas break.

the semester is ending fast.

i'm not unhappy about that at all.

time to flip on the last bit of Back to the Future II that i fell asleep for and the fall asleep again, like i do most every night.  sleep is good.

i'm trading my sorrow

i'm trading my shame

i'm laying them down for the joy of the Lord

clothing

tshirts that are clever or cool are some of my favorite things in the world.

this is one reason what i absolutely love shirt.woot.com.

here's a clever shirt i found someplace else:

it made me lul.

and if you see me sometime, ask me to show you what i did to my phone, because it makes the nerd in me very, very pleased.

rich and friends are coming over.  i think.

i need a shower.

oh!  i scored 4 goals in my soccer game tonight.  that's a jarrod all-time record.  they actually called back my 4th goal because they said i tripped a girl.  in reality, she kicked me and fell down.  she even said to me "i kicked you."  lamesauce.  it was great fun though.

watched the first Back to the Future last night.  it turns out i can watch stuff from my bed pretty darn well if i move my second monitor a bit.  i think maybe i'll watch BttF II tonight.  we'll see.

and i've got Journey's Anyway You Want It stuck in my head beacuse i've heard it multiple times lately.  i like that song.

ok, shower time.  peace.

some cool stuff

stuff i saw/did today.

this is via the Lunch Bag Art tumblr, which has some really cool stuff.  it's all photos of lunch bag art this dad does for his kids.  super awesome, check them out.  this one was just funny, the dad's caption was "this one didn't make it to school"

here's a picture i saved from a shirt at Woot.  can you guess what famous court case this shirt is a visual depiction of?

and finally a video i just made.  some guitar stuff.  the small beginnings of a song i'd like to make and call "Who Uses a Pick Anyway?"  the song would be pretty much all fingertapping stuff on my part.  maybe some strums, but not with a pick.  it's a little sloppy, but i made it up like 10 minutes before recording it.  i should practice it up.

Who uses guitar picks? from Jarrod Pyper on Vimeo.

my thanksgiving was a little meh today.  just family stuff.  and now just kind of sitting around home hasn't been the greatest of joys.  i think i'll go make a sandwhich and play some games or something.  i haven't played much of anything lately.  watching a movie and falling asleep sounds good too.

this morn

this is a message sent via facebook from one of the managers at costco to all the employees he is friends with on facebook:

Happy thanksgiving to all. Eat too much, drink too much, and live with no regret. Remember to celebrate that on this day people who wore completely impractical clothing and made poor choices with an enlarged sense of ego were bailed out by people they later helped to eliminate with the vast assortment of diseases and technology they brought with them from Europe. Gobble, gobble.

Happythanksgiving to all.
-Joe

he always was my favorite manager.

haha.  Happy Thanksgiving friends.

superstar

cute.

Dog Fight from Jarrod Pyper on Vimeo

today was fantastic.

woke up early to go to JCS to film their Thanksgiving assembly. The kindergarteners and 1st graders were super cute all dressed as pilgrims and indians. brown paper bag-shirts with custom indian drawings in marker are the coolest.

visited my dad for a bit.

came home and emo and i watched the dogs in the video tear into a garbage bag and then play fight for a bit.

started work on my music project for class. i'm pretty excited to see how it turns out. all i have so far is an intro drum beat. i'm not sure if i'll want to keep using a video editor (primier) to do this, when i think i can do it in sony acid. ah well.

work went great. quick. fun. good people.

i feel more comfortable at work and around people there than i do a lot of other places. i see the friends i work with more often than i see other friends or even family. and outside of work i almost never hang out with the people from work. strange. i wish i worked with more of the friends i have.

had a soccer game tonight. i scored 3 goals. !!!! i don't think i've ever done that in a game. a hat trick. it was very fun. one was even a shot with my left foot. and i almost was so close to nailing a bycicle kick that i'm sure would have gone in if i would have connected with the ball. as it happened though, people just thought that it probably hurt. but it didn't because i have a beard now and i'm a man.

my dad and little sister came to watch me play, which was very nice considering how well i did tonight. my dad made a comment about how i play, he said that i just do things people don't expect me to be able to do (my hackey sack skillz are the reason) and i do it all with a very disarming smile. and i do frequently remember myself grinning like an idiot a lot while i played. i usually do. i just enjoy playing soccer, and i enjoy the people there. it's just fun. there's nothing else to worry about, just the game.

i need to remember to talk about intelligence sometime. i've been meaning to but i forgot, and this seems too long right now to get into that.

but i'll end with a thought i had while pushing carts today, and carts btw is a great thing to do when you'd like to just think about things. it's about joy and contentment.

it's not about pursuing joy, chasing after it, but seeing the joy around you and taking hold of it, loving it. that's contentment.

eh, not that good. i think whatever i thought of earlier today was better, but i didn't write it down so i can't remember. and it's not like i think you should go after things that make you happy and bring joy, but it's important to notice and be thankful for what you do have. which is what this day right now is about.

oh, and emo is going home for the weekend. whenever one of us goes away somewhere we have this tradition of wishing no death to each other. we just had that exchange via aim and it made me laugh.

"if you like it then you should have put a ring on it" - i have not been able to get that tune out of my head all day and it's driving me crazy, and it's probably good that no one heard me casually humming/maybepossiblyslightlysingingundermybreath that song. oh lulz.

the oldest bones

i opened my hands and it felt like opening the pages of old memories.

everything is there, etched in every line

all the stories in the skin

all the cracks filled in with time

Sad Prayers For Guilty Bodies

because i had the TIME to do this.  feels so good to have time.

alex had an interesting one posted, so let's see how it turns out for me.

Da Rulz:
1. Put Your iTunes/Windows Media Player/ETC on Shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS.
4. Put any comments in brackets after the song name.

1) If someone says, "Is this okay?" you say:
Red Stars Over the Battle of the Cowshed

2) How would you describe yourself?
Time is Running Out

3) What do you like in a girl/guy?
Yamete Shite Sawaranaide (bahaha that's japanese.  does that mean something?)

4) How do you feel today?
Come Down

5) What is your life's purpose?

What is Love?  (now my head is bobbing)

6) What is your motto?
Homesick

7) What do you friends think of you?
Don't Stop Believin' (haha)

8) What do you think of your parents?
HTML Rulez D00d

9) What do you think about very often?
Josie

10) What is 2+2?
Sleep

11) What do you think of your best friend?
I Just Got This Symphony Goin' (Live)

12) What do you think of the person you like?
Save Tonight  (sheesh)

13) What is your life story?
[Untitled Track]  (haha i like that.  it also happens to be a # 12 song, chock full of screaming and crazy guitars.  yeah)

14) What do you want to be when you grow up?
Swisha  (i wish something like "cutsman" would have come up)

15) What do you think of when you see the person you like?
Modefy the Pronunciation

16) What will you dance to at your wedding?
Are You Happy  (ohhh... that's definitely more of a breakup song, but the title sounds kinda nice)

17) What will they play at your funeral?
Irony of Dying on Your Birthday  (.....awe....)

18) What is your hobby/interest?
Choke On This

19) What is your biggest fear?
The Hardest Part (that works)

20) What is your biggest secret?
Who Wants to Die

21) What do you think of your friends?
The Fool (ahaha it's not true!)

22) What will you post this as?

Sad Prayers for Guilty Bodies

an encouraging message

this is the second encouraging message sent out to the members of the No Shave November group that i'm a part of:

It's been a long journey through the valleys and mountains of caustic abstinence, but the end of the tunnel is in sight. The worst of our trials have undoubtedly passed, and the few pitfalls that remain look about as threatening as a flopping Goldeen in Super Smash Bros. Hairy glory is practically within in reach.

But not quite yet.

While finishing strong may seem inevitable, it's in times of prosperity and hope like these that temptation can permeate us the most. "You've pretty much already gone the whole way. You know you could make it all four weeks if you wanted to, and I do too, so what do you have to prove? Just shave it already. Don't you want to look nice for Thanksgiving? Beards don't look nice." I know too many good men who bought into lies of their peers just like that, and of the heartbreak and guilt that ensued and engulfed them later. "Friends" like these don't actually care about you like they claim. They are masters of deception who seek to ruin your fun, because they're bitter on account of their inability of have similar joy of their own.

So I implore you: Sever those risky ties! Cast out the wolves that plague your flock! Do not hesitate to burn bridges with those who show the slightest inclinations of opposition to your facial hair, for those who truly love you understand your quest and just want you to be happy regardless of their preferences.

I know that making these kinds of relational decisions is far easier said than done, but I'm confident that the benefits you'll reap will far outweigh the momentary pain and awkwardness of dismissing these wolves. Just think of what kind of other disasters these fiends might try to lead you towards in the future if you don't put your foot down now! The horrors filling my head right now are unspeakable.

6 days left. 24 already conquered. Make the right decision.

Out of genuine care,
Mike Mirza
-------------------------
stand strong my bearded brethren! we shall be true men by the month's end!

haha i'm loving this stuff.

met with JCS today with Steve. we're going to do the videos for the school. i must remember to tithe with the money they pay us, because they are being pretty darn generous, at least from my point of view.

today was a great day. i used the phrase "take it and turn it" in my marketing presentation. our group was voted best presentation by the class. class is now done for the week. and i got to work in majors almost my whole shift.

i will enjoy relaxing tomorrow.
but tonight it is chilly and i feel slightly lonely. the dual comforters on my bed look quite inviting.
my head is spinning from looking at the computer screen.
i must away.
night.

good grief

the more I read the paper's turned in by my group-mates that contain the information that I have to do a presentation about, the more i think to myself, "dear God, I am the only one who knows how to use correct grammar, construct a sentence effectively, and not use the same word four times in one sentence.

i am editing their papers and re-emailing them out before they get put into our final presentation binder.

Concert was good. My hearing is muffled. I'm also wearing a hood.
Thrice was amazing as always. Gaslight Anthem was not impressive. Alkaline Trio was ok. I think Alex put it well when he said "i've heard eighth notes before." Rise Against had pretty lights. They were the second best easily. They wouldn't stop playing and let us leave to get slurpees though.

I'm waaaaay behind on homework. Tomorrow i have to do all my drawing for this past week. yikes. I just finished a small project that got dumped on me via phone by a marketing group-mate that doesn't have internet right now or something like that. gah.

I guess sleeping would be a good idea too.... hm....

Our internet has been a little fritzy here the past few days. really slow a lot of the time. really not fun. comcast is supposed to come check it out monday though.

i always think of a bunch of things i want to write about, but i forget about them once i start writing.

i NEED Thanksgiving break. i need a break bad. although i imagine things may be a little awkward with the fam. being with my mom's side of the family may be very interesting. i am serisouly going to flip out at them if they start talking bad about my dad or my sister, especially since my sister will be right there. oh, she got in a car accident today i found out. she's fine though.

no matter how tumultuous things get with my family, i am ever thankful for the famliy i have with His House. Papa Rodd, Mama Jas, Uncle AJ and all us kids. I loves them.

now i'm off to bed at 2am to continue my long streak of a lack of sleep for sunday mornings. sheesh.

simply stunning

i got this video via theo's twitter.
after watching it, i couldn't possibly NOT post it, even if just out of sheer respect for the effort that went into it.
it is truly awesome.
i give you, Bike Hero



crazy cool right!?

anyway.

i've got a cold. it seems less severe today than it was yesterday. that's good. i bought food today, and ate some.
i had a soccer game. i disappoint myself because i'm not so good anymore. that's what i get for not playing for so long. well, now i'm on 2 teams for the rest of the session. maybe i can whip myself back into shape or something.
i decided not to wear my shin guards this game because they are just an annoyance to put on and take off. i told myself "it's no big deal, you've done it before, you won't miss them." and i missed them. about 10 minutes into the game i got kicked in the lower leg. pretty sure it's going to turn out to be a nice sized bruise. i almost had to come out because it hurt to put weight on it, but it went away after a bit. still hurts now, but i'll live. no big deal.

the thing about me and soccer over the years is that as everyone has gotten older, they can kick harder, but i don't think i'm any faster. so you can see how that = fail. plus, today i realized that i jump backwards every time somebody goes to shoot the ball, which is a bad move. i need to stop doing that and be brave. i've gotten hit with the ball enough to know that the pain doesn't last, and if i'm into the game enough i hardly even feel it at first. heh. i think i need to find something to get me pumped for the game, get me energized, get me wanting to throw myself in front of a speeding soccer ball like only a madman would want to do. game face.

to close this out, here's an excerpt from a short piece we read in my fiction class. it's taken from the short story "Snow" by Ann Beattie.

This is a story, told the way you say stories should be told. Somebody grew up, fell in love and spent a winter with her lover in the country. This, of course, is the barest outline and futile to discuss. It's as pointless as throwing birdseed on the ground while snow still falls fast. Who expects small things to survive when even the largest get lost? People forget years and remember moments. Seconds and symbols are left to sum things up: the black shroud over the pool. Love, in its shortest form, becomes a word. What I remember about all that time is one winter. The snow. even now, saying "snow," my lips move so that they kiss the air.

well, i liked it.
make good moments.
now i have to do homework.
peace.

no title

listening to: Judgement Day - Out of the Abyss


Judgement Day. Sweet band. Cello, Violin, Drums. Awesome. The violinist plays for Bright Eyes, if that tempts you to watch. although you'll probably be disappointed if you expect Bright Eyes style music. heh.


i'm should not even be up writing this right now.
i'm coming down with a cold and i need sleep.

got my Marshall amp head back today. $50 later and it now works fantastic. yeah!
bought a delay pedal and it's sweet.

going to buy a tuning pedal, power for pedals, and extra instrument cables. throwing in a slide to bump the price up enough for free shipping.

super excited to use my half stack at His House tomorrow. just need to put casters on the cab and it's set.

i had more to say, but i forgot.
meh. so SLEEPY.
going to bed.

but sometimes it's a good hurt

listening to: Incubus - Love Hurts

heard this on radio during the drive home tonight

"love hurts,
but sometimes it's a good hurt
and it feels like i'm alive.
love sings,
when it transcends the bad things
have a heart and try me
'cause without love i won't survive."

i need to grow up.
i just have this... thing. i've said it before.
i hope i grow to like this guy because otherwise i'll loathe him.
and for no good reason.
it's my worst jealousy, and oh i hate it, but it lives.

i feel like i never have time.
every time i'm home i feel like i should be doing homework.
and the time i have to do things like writing these words is time that i'm stealing from homework. i have to steal time away from homework. it's not planned, i just find ways to get distracted doing other things. i want to do other things; play guitar, watch a movie, play games. but that doesn't happen unless it just happens. like, i have to stumble upon doing something else, like walking into emo's room and seeing that some friends are watching a movie.

part of why i love soccer and playing music so much is because while i'm doing those things i don't think about what else i could/should be doing. i don't think about homework or obligations. nothing outside matters.

anyway, i'm just avoiding drawing again.
feeling kind of down. but there's plenty to be happy about.
just need to knock out this homework and go to bed.

night.

i wrote a paper

i wrote this paper today as an assignment. we just had to write a dialogue between two people about anything we wanted. i also had to include at least one quote from Plato's Crito. i put some thoughts in it that i've been meaning to write down anyway, so why not just copy/paste eh?
---------------------------------

The View From Up Here

Her. Why did you follow me?

Him. I was worried about you. And to see you standing on the edge like that, maybe I was right to be concerned. I want to talk. Can we?

Her. I guess. I’ve got some time.

Him. Can we go downstairs? The rooftop isn’t quite the ideal place for a conversation.

Her. No I’m staying here. I’m never going down unless it’s falling over the side.

Him. Don’t say things like that, why would you say that?

Her. Because it’s pointless! Everything is pointless; our lives have no meaning beyond ourselves! We live and we breathe and we get hurt and we hurt other people and we watch everyone before us die and we never see them again. And then we die and if nobody remembers us we might as well have never existed. We don’t even have a purpose; we just reproduce and go on messing up the world we live in.

Him. What about God?

Her. Hah! Your God? The one that all you hypocrites follow? Maybe one day I could believe that there was something that made the world but I’d never believe it was your God, the one that’s supposed to be so kind and forgiving. The one that’s supposed to love me no matter what but gives me a list of rules to follow if I want to be rewarded?

Him. What do you mean?

Her. Well let’s say for one second that there is a God. How can he love me if I’ve had to go through so much pain in my life? If everyone goes through so much pain in life?

Him. That’s a good point. Can I ask you a couple of questions?

Her. Okay.

Him. Can you force some one to love you?

Her. No, that wouldn’t be real love.

Him. Right, so do you agree that real love has to be a free will decision?

Her. Yeah.

Him. Then if God really loves us and wants our real love and devotion in return, he can’t force it. He has to let us choose to love or deny. Make sense?

Her. Yes I see what you mean. But still, why do I have to go through so much if he loves me?

Him. God loves all people, no matter who it is or what they’ve done, and all people are given free will. When people choose to be selfish and act only on their own desires, that’s when they hurt other people. It’s not God’s plan, but his love prevents him from restricting free will. When the end comes people will have to account for how they lived their lives, the choices they made. God loves, but he is also just in punishment.

Her. But if God is loving, then why would he be so punishing?

Him. God is loving and just. What you are asking puts God in an impossible position. How can there be justice without punishment? God cannot be just without dealing with the consequences of a person’s choices and actions.

Her. But don’t you say that we are all sinners? That means everyone should be punished. How loving can that be?

Him. This is where God’s balance of love and justice are revealed. God will punish those for the evil they do in their lives, but because God is loving he provides a way for us to be saved from what we justly deserve. God punished one man, his son Jesus, who had done absolutely nothing wrong, and because Jesus was perfect, a completely holy sacrifice, that paid the price for all of us. All we have to do is use our free will to accept it. If we choose to live for ourselves our own way, then we get to pay our own price for the evil in our lives.

Her. But we have to follow a bunch of rules then right? How is that loving or an example of free will?

Him. Are you familiar with Plato’s Crito?

Her. Yes, why?

Him. Something Socrates said in that dialogue really applies here, “…he ought to live and train, and eat and drink in the way which seems good to his single master who has understanding, rather than according to the opinion of all other men put together?” God, as our creator, knows how we were designed to live and what is best for us. His rules aren’t restrictions, but a guide on how to live a life that will give you the most happiness while also being pleasing to God. What loving parent wouldn’t place rules on their children or punish them when they go astray? A parent understands far more than a child; they raise them with discipline out of love. In the same way, God understands far more than we do. Wouldn’t it be smart to follow his instruction?

Her. But isn’t that just like giving a child candy if they do what you tell them? It’s giving rewards for good behavior.

Him. If God exists outside of time in the way we understand the concept of “time,” he knows our past, present and future. God can see our choices laid out before us and he has an ideal plan for our lives that would gives us the most joy and prosperity. When we follow that plan by living the way God intends us to, we open ourselves up to the opportunities for our lives that God has in store. When we live our own way, we miss out on what could have been, trading an unknown good for what we could see in front of us. And I would argue that what we didn’t see around the corner, or maybe even far down the road, would have been greater in comparison to what we chose on our own. Does that make sense?

Her. Yeah I guess so, but I still have some more questions. Listen, can we go inside and talk? It’s getting cold up here.

Him. Yeah, sure. Follow me.

it's good to remember sometimes

i love rich, and the way he makes me laugh.
when i remember things he said i laugh out loud while i'm sitting alone at my computer.
like ages ago:

[02:24] XDrichXD: you've lucked out though
[02:24] XDrichXD: KEEP HER
[02:25] XDrichXD: FOR THE LOVE OF GOD
[02:25] Pap3rTig3rs: lol
[02:25] XDrichXD: DONT LET HER GO
[02:25] XDrichXD: SHE CAN COOK

i need to go to chicago sometime and visit my friends there.

it's cold

emo bought the new WoW expansion.
i've been watching him play it.
makes me want to play.
i'm not going to though, so you don't have to tell me not to.

dredg friday. looking forward to it for sure.
costco "holiday" party saturday, also looking forward to it.

homework piles ever higher.
this i do not like.

i wish i could go visit my friends in chicago. because they are cool.

jen gave me a real live mix cd, filled with girlyish music.
but it's got Regina Spektor, whom i enjoy hearing.
jen asked me to play/sing at her wedding when she has it.
i said yes if she still wants me to when it happens.

it is chilly and i am tired.
also, i'm sore from soccer.
i strained something.
i'm not as good as soccer as i used to be and it's frustrating.
at least 80% of the curses out of my mouth are said during soccer.
fun fact.

thus ends the bulletin-like update for tonight.
goodnight.

the internetz

i cannot stop laughing every time i look at this picture.


his eyes, the look on her face.... get's me every time.

people people people

listening to: La Dispute - Said the King to the River

firstly, good news.
i think i found the next guitar i'm going to buy.
i think there's a good name to call this guitar somewhere in my head, but i can't pull it out. it's a Gibson Les Paul Double Cutaway style. no pickguard, 2 volume knobs for the pickups, one tone knob. looks pretty. i want to find one to try out first though. exciting. now i need to start setting some money aside. maybe in a year or so...

the costco "holiday" party is saturday, i'm pretty excited to go. i'm bringing emo with me, because that's safe. nick didn't respond when i asked him if he wanted to go. i think that meant he was saying "i'm probably supposed to hang out with cory that weekend like i do every weekend so i'll have to say no but i won't directly say no" whatev. should be fun. i'm hoping to win a tv or a ps3. fingers crossed! :)

everybody at work is talking about the party, mostly just asking other people if they are going. last night after we were closed some one asked who i was taking with to the party. before i could answer some one else chimed in with "you're taking your girlfriend right?" and i had to fake chastise him for being so out of touch with my life. one of the managers heard i didn't have a girlfriend and he made a big deal about it, saying we need to find somebody for me. he suggested a lady who works there, because she's single (newly divorced). har har rigo. har har. and jen was telling me all about her wonderful friend who thought i was cute in a picture. jen would like nothing more than to get me a date with one of her good friends. she sounded pretty interesting though. older than me (you know how i roll, /sarcasm), works at the red cross, goes to mars hill, loves reading books, very "cultured," been to france for a while. sounds nice. i'm not considering it, just recording thoughts.

man, i really handled things badly a year ago. almost exactly a year ago. fractured two important, meaningful friendships. one broke completely. Jo won't even talk to me anymore, and i'm sorry. the other... well it's ok now, but i just regret how i handled it. so much to learn. i worry i missed out on something good. but you can't live life thinking that way. at least, you can't and be happy.

i usually walk with my head level or down when i leave school. today i walked looking up, and it made all the difference.

huh

huh.
i just realized that on sundays when i have lunch with my family, i feel very obligated to be there. and i feel so obligated because i feel like i'm abandoning them if i do something else. and i feel like i'm contributing to breaking the family apart if i don't go. i never thought about it like this. i'm so afraid of my family falling apart that i feel like i need to be around to make it seem more together. today when a bunch of friends at church were planning on going out to lunch together, i thought (only thought) about going with them and i felt guilty about that idea. how could i even consider abandoning my family like that?

i never realized that's how i felt about it.

i've been listening to la dispute tonight as i did homework. i think these words describe what i would do if there was some thing i could find that was responsible for all this heartache:
"
i felt your sickness brush against my arm as i walked by you--heard your voice but couldn't tell that it was you. and, slowly, watched your sickness slip away into a place that i'd once feared but i was not afraid this time. so i gave chase and found it, finally, slowly feeding from your head, and from my friends, and from my family, so
I grabbed it by the neck.
"for every lover you have ruined..." i dug my nails into its flesh. "...and every life that you have taken..." slammed its head against the brick. its blood poured out onto the pavement, i stirred it in with dirt and spit, "i will take a part of you." i made mortar from the mix. tore every organ from it's body, broke it's bones and fashioned bricks, i laid the mortar in between,
I made a throne for hope to sit.
"Too long you've torn us into pieces, firmly held onto our wrists. Today I bury you in me."
I swallowed every inch of it.
"

vividly violent. powerfully passionate.
it just fit.

but i'm doing alright. truly.

i finshed off that big gulp from last night.
i need to go take care of that now.

La Dispute is for lovers

listening to: La Dispute - New Storms for Older Lovers

"I guess loves a funny thing--the way it fades away without a warning. It doesn't ask to be excused. And when it's gone--oh, it's gone--and it ain't ever comin' back"

this was just a test to see if my phone would keep decent audio quality when recording something loud like a concert. man, i should have kept the camera rolling...

one of the best parts about La Dispute's shows here in Grand Rapids is that the whole crowd sings with them. everybody is into it, we all love it, we all love them. and they love us. it's fantastic.

dear girl from the concert,
i halfheartedly apologize for getting pushed into you so much. it was probably because we were standing right next to each other for a good third of the show. you stood closer to me than was necessary, i knew it, but i'm not complaining. we made eye contact more often than strangers usually do and somehow our arms got tangled up more than once. whether anything meant something, i do not know. just like i don't know your name and you don't know mine. but that's fine. because everything was superficial, it was just us at a concert tonight. though i'm starved for attention, i've got no intentions, and i know it just wouldn't be right.
sincerely,
the guy who noticed you pointing him out to your friend after the show.

ps. i saw you on the way out, should i have said bye? nah.


so anyway, the show was phenomenal. every bit of ringing in my ears was worth it. there were no sucky bands. Charles the Osprey opened. then Native, then Victor! Fix the Sun, then Pauscity(sp?), then Brothers, and finally La Dispute. the show was really cool. they had some readings inbetween songs occasionally, and Jordan(singer)'s dad played and sang a song. Two other guys (i think brothers?) played and sang a different song later. it was all really well done.

i actually love coming home from concerts all dirty and sweaty and bruised and scratched. battle scars. a sign that you lived.

i lived tonight.
and i know how music makes me feel alive.

sometimes i wonder why i'm finishing school.
it makes sense though. and i'd finish even if the only reason was to make my parents proud. i'll be the first Pyper to graduate college. that kind of thing counts for something with family.

time to collapse.
i love.
goodnight.

NSN. going well

i just got this message from the facebook group i'm in for No Shave Novemeber. i lolled.
---------------------------------
My fellow patrons of unbridled faces:

Just as the title of this message implies, we are now officially one week into November, and a quarter of the way complete with our journey. So far your facial hair probably hasn't appeared noticeably unusual or unsightly to the average onlooker, but that soon will change.

For some, issues of patchiness and itchiness may be creeping up, and three more weeks of grooming-abstinence may seem utterly daunting. You may even be entertaining the idea of giving up before it gets more difficult, based on some sort of ridiculous perception of inadequacy. Brothers and sisters, you must have heart! You've got to WANT it. The road ahead is mentally perilous and emotionally taxing indeed, but in the end will be physically and spiritually rewarding.

I have the luxury of being surrounded by many excited and fervent participants of NSN here in the North Park community who can offer me encouragement and accountability with this venture, but I understand that not all of you may be quite so fortunate. If you are in fact "driving solo" down this path, I encourage you to enlist in the assistance of those closest around you, so that they might help you with moral support when times seem bleak. Such could make or break your beard's longevity.

Once again I am ecstatic to be with you all on this quest. Godspeed to you all.

Mike Mirza

P.S. In their 1970 song "Almost Cut My Hair," C.S.N.Y. addressed the temptations of giving in to "the man" during times of rebellion and protest. Perhaps you can resonate with these lyrics:

"Almost cut my hair
It happened just the other day.
It's gettin' kinda long
I could have said it was in my way
But I didn't and I wonder why.
I feel like letting my freak flag fly
'Cause I feel like I owe it to someone.

Must be because I had the flu for Christmas
And I'm not feeling up to par.
It increases my paranoia
Like looking in my rear-view mirror and seeing a police car.
But I'm not giving in an inch to fear
'Cause I promised myself this year
I feel like I owe it to someone.

When I finally get myself together
I'm going to get down in that sunny southern weather
And I find a place inside a laugh.
Separate the wheat from the chaff
I feel like I owe it to someone"

- Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young, from the album "Déjà Vu"
-----------------------------

i'm not faltering. i'm not failing. the beard will stand strong!
i'm loving it.

cognitive thrashing

listening to: The Chariot - Back to Back

just feel like thrashing. my my, the things i put my mind through sometimes.


ignore the video. it's all i found that had the actual cd version of the song.

"This is the last chance you got, open wide.
We both know we're both going to die, but there's a difference with you and I.
You want Peace but refuse the fight.
So shake hands with change tonight.
Bathe in armor, for death feeds.
O' death, don't bother me tonight.
Be grace, oh my God, (and stand still).
Be grace, oh my God, (and send more minutes).
For churches have nuns, cowboys got guns and everyone's waiting to die"

and what matters when there's a way things are supposed to be? why good comes from trying to force it?

tomorrow(now today) is La Dispute. it will be amazing.

oh the things i would so gladly do if only i had the chance.

tie heard

listening to: The Ting Tings - That's Not My Name

i heard it on the radio and it was catchy


maybe the time change is why i've felt so tired lately?
or perhaps it's the staying up too late?
possible, i guess...

but it's now about 10pm and i feel pretty awake.
whateva.

i'd just like to play guitar.
i'd like to make a song.
record it.
edit it.
all that good stuff.
ah well.

---
the more you knock on that door the farther i'll walk away from it
if you hear my steps coming back it's only to attach another lock
---

oh hey, i'm going to make a video blog for work.
kthxbai

oh, and did you get it? "tie heard" = "tired".
i am so lulz.

?

ok.
the guy one row in front of me and one seat to the right:
hot pink shirt.
usually that's fine, but it's very obviously a girl's shirt.
and i just noticed.... omg.... i think he's wearing a bra.
he's got a headband keeping his hair away from his face.
he's wearing a dress, dark maroon dress with like a flowery print going around it.
he's not wearing shoes or socks right now.

and he wore something similar last week....

yep. ok.

oh and i forgot to say my bike chain broke yesterday. that was/is tragic.

hit and run

listening to: Yesterday's Rising - Torn and Weathered

things that did not go well today:
-cut on right pinky (unknown origin)
-paper cut on left middle finger (unknown origin: paper is suspect)
-i will not graduate next semester, that is certain
-lost soccer game pretty bad. it's obvious to me that i haven't played in a year
-cut/blister or something from soccer
-worst part of the day is that i feel myself being consumed by this need to be as efficient as possible, not wasting my time, always being productive and thinking about what i can get done. and since i really hardly got anything done today, i feel bad about it.
-oh, and i ordered something for my dad for his birthday(i'm waaay late on it) and tonight i found out he just recently purchased what i ordered. yep, it's already been shipped.

and for some reason today i just felt incredibly single. not single as in "free and unbound by relationship," but in a lonely, distant, melancholy kind of way. at night sometimes i lay and think of the words to explain it to you. and time flies.

but i wouldn't want you to think that i thought today was a bad day.

it was great playing soccer with the guys from high school again.
got a text message from a friend down in indiana, it was nice to know he thought of me
watched V for Vendetta (duh, 5th of november) with emo and kory and chad and levi and kelly. (i just typed "nevember" wrong for a second and it looks like the words "never remember" smashed together. interesting)
i don't really mind much having to wait out another semester of classes. at least it should be an easy one.
i got to play guitar at band practice.

and i just bought this shirt from woot because i think it fits my mood really well right now:


and i definitely need to sleep.
peace.

all done

listening to(in my head): His House band - Oh Most High

i am glad that the election is over.
i hope now people will stop getting upset over each other about who they plan on voting for.
right.

what i don't like is that the more interested i became in the politics and the more of an opinion i formed, the more i found myself getting frustrated with people that have a view opposite of mine. it's like i couldn't help it, and i didn't like it at all. when you think your way is the best way, you can't help but think that the other person with the differing view is wrong and also less intelligent/informed. i just hate how politics is so divisive.

Obama probably has a real tough job ahead of him. good luck, sir.

so let's all talk about something else now, kthx.

and really i just want to play guitar.
but i'm sleepy.
so.... bai.

cinema

listening to: You Look Nice Today - Expressed as a Vest

yeah alex, this one is really good.

so i'm making a list of movies i should watch sometime soon.

so far, out of my own memory of what i want to see and have been told i should see, i have:

Sweeney Todd (because i saw the musical and i want to watch it again)
Back to the Future I, II, III (seen it multiple times. and will again)
Wall-E
Green Street Hooligans
Edward Scissorhands

Giannii just gave me a long list of movies as recommendations.

anybody else got any ideas on what i should watch?

time to sleep.

1.21 GIGAWATTS!

the reason i've posted 3 times within the last 24 hours is because i've been trying to do homework that i don't want to do. this results in me getting very easily distracted. any chance i get to stop doing my homework for a couple minutes is grabbed before I realize it.

i read that my friend Chris was/is Doc Brown for halloween, and it results in me watching:



me: do you have the Back to the Future movies?
emo: not yet
me: haha
me: i thought you might answer with something like that
...
emo: movies will be ready for tomorrow

:)

bahahaha!

http://www.pcworld.com/article/153131/electviral.html?tk=rss_news

go to that website and check out the videos there.
videos 4, 5, and 10 are great.

the other day...

i was playing guitar.


Tapping with Chords on guitar from Jarrod Pyper on Vimeo.

playing sloppy. but i like this tune that i made up.