the heart of rebellion is beating

i don't think i'm going to do a recap of the past week just yet.

i need to go to bed soon and i still need a shower.

i'm feeling pretty intense right now. passionate/motivated/driven.
i feel rebellious.
hm... if i went on to explain in full what i mean, i would be writing too long.
i'll give a short version.

the rebellion is on more than one level.
part of it comes from this past week.
a rebellion against the convention of game developing. of doing things like everybody else. i feel like embracing the indie spirit of game development. it seems so much more free, more expressive, more awesome. though i hear the money is often not real good hehe :) but then again, i realized and decided a while ago that money isn't what makes happiness, so my goal should not be making lots of money. it's hard to explain shortly, so i'm not going to try. but suffice it for me to say that I have ideas, I like them and I'll see where they take me.

the other form of rebellion is within myself.
..... hahaha. i just realized i don't know how to explain this either.
maybe this quote that i read today can help. it's from the book i'm still reading by thomas merton. it's talking about a great professor that merton had in college:
"And for him poetry was, indeed, a virtue of the practical intellect, and not simply a vague spilling of the emotions, wasting the soul and perfecting none of our essential powers."

i don't know if i agree with it completely, but sometimes i really don't want to be vaguely "spilling my emotions." my rebellion is against my habit of thoughts that are not beneficial, too often detrimental to me. be satisfied with that because I can't think of a better way to put it :)

in closing, tomorrow will most likely be filled with much uploading of pictures/videos. indeed, this past week has been awesome.

farewell.