quick thought

(looks like this post will go out in the morning, seeing as our internet just went down. but i wrote it at about 2am)

tonight i sent out some emails to follow up on internship talks I had at GDC. i expressed to my good friend the misgivings i have about moving away for the summer for an internship. i don't like the idea of leaving my friends and the communities i'm in behind. it's something i would miss.

don't let this make you think that I wouldn't go just because of this simple longing to be with my friends that i love. after all, it is only a summer, and i'm sure it would be an awesomely amazing summer. but thinking about it while lying in bed (yeah i got out of bed to write this) i realized what it is that's making me worried about it.

it's not that i don't want to go out in the world and do things, it's that i don't wish to do it alone.

i got a taste of it when i left for california. i was worried about how i'd feel, but it ended up being much less than i expected. and it's silly to think that i'm ever really alone when i know that God is always with me. but i struggle with wishing for and wanting the companion that God has made for me, the woman who will complete me. it's not like i know who it is, but i know that person exists. i'd like to think of myself as a very patient person, but it seems that sometimes even i can't resist trying to grab at something that looks as if it's right in front of me.

i must learn greater patience. teach me God, may my heart be open to You. keep me from foolishness.

goodnight.