sleep is for the weak

chicago and back again was awesome.

i had a blast there with rich/adam/lory and all others.

we were so college. it doesn't get more college than how college we were.
there were movies in dorms, late night chinese food orders, guitar hero, dota, spooning, hackey sack, all you can eat meals, name calling, lame jokes... all the good stuff.

i really think i can get along with all of rich's friends down there.
i like hanging with those guys.

After driving back I went out for some coffee/hot chocolate with Alex. that was really cool, i should do that with people more often. good idea.

So right now I'm in the middle of packing and burning 20 CDs to hand out with my portfolio work on them. I plan on maybe uploading a bunch of pics/video to facebook before i go to sleep too. it's currently 2:17 and i need to wake up at or around 7. ouch. this is going to hurt.

i have no great plans for sleeping over the next week.

i'd post some pictures here from the chicago adventure but i don't have the time.
maybe when i get back? perhaps?
they'll be on facebook, if you know me on there.

gah i'm so tired it's 3:44. i've got a couple more cds to burn then it's sleep time.

can i write anything original tonight? my brain feels fried. i've had a couple headaches today, and i don't get those often. ok, let's write something encouraging.


i was thinking about this on the drive home from chicago.
worrying.
currently, the thing i'm worried about is if i get an internship offer out in california.
first of all, will one even happen or not? and if an offer is made, do i take it?
i'm worried about having to move away from home/family/friends/ safety.
but really, why should i be worrying about it right now? i have no idea if any of it will happen, it's not in my hands.
Jesus said, i think in Matthew, something like "Who of you can add a day to his life by worrying?" and the answer to that question is, of course, nobody.
i know God's gonna take care of me, it's happened so many times before. I just need to trust in him.
During winter break, I had a major crisis over deciding whether or not I even wanted to continue with what I was going to school for. I didn't have the money, I had lost the will, and things just generally seemed to suck. At almost the last minute, I realized that I really did want to keep going, and I applied for a loan and miraculously I wasn't dropped from my classes for not paying on time and the money came in. I remember desperately needing the loan check to come in the mail on one day, or else I wouldn't be able to pay for things. Sure enough, it came in just in time. I remember having $8 to my name for food over a week and half. I sat at His House and when the manna bucket came around I said to myself, "ok God, i'm trusting you, let's see what happens" and i tossed in 5 of the 8. not more than an hour later, ryan thatcher comes up to me and hands me a box of milk and cereal bars, only because we had been talking about them that weekend and I said i loved them and hadn't seen them in years. I can't remember exactly what it was, but another thing like that happened to me that week as well. I felt so free in that experience. I gave to God what I knew I was going to need to buy food for myself, and
God provided for me, totally.

If for any reason I suddenly became certain that God didn't exist, I think the first thing I would do is panic. All the close calls and near misses of disaster and misfortune in my life would cease to have been God influenced, it would just be sheer luck. I would have to live my life unsure of everything. How in the world I could have made it in life this far without there being a God who cared about me is beyond my understanding. I've been so very blessed with everything I have. I don't deserve any sort of blessing, each one is a surprise that I should be continuously grateful for.

I'm leaving to go to california in a matter of hours now. I wouldn't be going if God hadn't put a couple key people in my life. I don't have to pay for my plane flights thanks to the generosity of a friend. I don't have to pay for a hotel thanks to the friendship made with a guy last year who lives in san francisco. I wouldn't have been able to afford either of those things. There's a purpose for me being out there this week, and I need to seek it.

I want to enter into God's will for me with arms and eyes wide open. I pray that I know how.

Farewell.