in the world/of the world

listening to: Thrice - The Earth Isn't Humming

what i've been thinking about for a long while.

we, dearest of friends, brothers and sisters, are called live in this world. but we're not supposed to be of the world. tracking? live in this world, but don't become like it. be different, stand apart, against if necessary. ever since high school i've been troubled when friends of mine change. not in the "growing up" kind of thing, but changing from decently behaving individuals into.... i dunno, something less. they degenerate. they come down to a different level. it's most evident first in how they talk. the language either affects or is a result of how they think, which goes on to change their actions.

it really, really bothers me to see friends i respect walking a path that is parallel to the road the "world" is on. when they act and talk like everybody else. they go and say deep and beautiful things when they're around a certain crowd, but away from that they fall into the same talk you hear every other place that's "out" in the world.

i've done and continue to do the same thing, and i do not like it. i've swore, made those jokes, and i realized that it was an effort to seem more like those i was with. i wanted to look more imperfect so i would fit in better. i wanted to say "hey, i'm still like you." and how pointless it was! every time i do it i instantly regret it. there's no reason for it. it's not holy. we are mature enough to change this within us. there should be no need to act a certain way among friends and then "straighten up" in other circumstances.
i get disappointed, that's all. i want a friend to look up to and respect, see how they're living and say "yeah, i want to be more like that." but we're all so imperfect. maybe this is a realization that Jesus is the only one whose example is good enough to follow. but i want somebody here that i can watch and learn from. is that wrong?

maybe it's not right for me to want to hold my friends to a higher standard. but then again, maybe that's something they need. do they think there's anything wrong with where they are at? i don't know, because i never ask. i don't talk to them about these things.
i am thankful for the one person i've talked to about some of this, she's been an encouragement whether she knows it or not.

i have a new friend. she has issues with anxiety and gets nervous easily. she hates confrontation. hates it. and though she can hardly stand it and it hurts (especially if they get upset with her about it), she will confront her friends out of love when they are involved in something that is hurting them. she is a better friend than i.

last week i watched somebody else be a better friend to my best friend than i have been. what's the point of friendship if you're just going to let somebody walk their own path whether it could destroy them or not? even if it's not something "major," what is there to gain by ignoring a wrong in some one? aren't we supposed to be a community that builds each other into better people? friends that teach each other, help/instruct/guide each other? "as steel sharpens steel, so one man sharpens another." i don't know if that's the exact quote, but that's the meaning of it. i want to live among people who desire this same thing.

it's hard to start it on my own though. especially since i haven't done it before.
who is with me?
i will hold you to a higher standard, i will point out to you what i think isn't part of The Way, if you will do the same for me. who else wants this? i need to know.

who is with me?