embrace me, not as the brother i am
but as the lover i used to be
and start me on the spiral of dreams,
i'll hold onto the sides of the slide
and fight to stay afloat
treading water, i collect these stones
i leave them in my pockets and treasure them like bones
it's only when i'm spluttering and gasping for breath above the waves
that i'll let them go, one at a time until i'm just high enough to breathe
then it's back to collecting.
i feel like i'm really free now. i write these things not from feelings but from thoughts. i can write not because it's how i am on the inside, but just from whatever i want to think about. i realized what i've been holding onto, and it's not a person but an idea.
and i'm sorry if you ever read the lines on these pages and see through them. don't take it personally, it's not you i'm writing about, it's the idea of you. it's what you represent, and memories are what i have to reference that representation.
oh, it feels so good to have come this far now, to finally have got here.
i feel like my thoughts today have just been all around good. brains, yum.
got a lot accomplished today. finished getting video from JCS, i don't think i'll need to do any more shooting over there. came home, organized the footage and put together a demo for the duffy documentary. while i sifted through the video i also read some material off this sweet C.S. Lewis blog that I found one day. if you're interested, the address is http://booksbycslewis.blogspot.com/
then i suddenly discovered that i HAD to take the last test for my business law class today or i wouldn't be able to take it at all. i rushed off to the library to watch what i thought was my last telecourse video. it turns out that the last skips a bunch of chapters and just covers stuff at the end of the book. i think i watched 2 videos of worthless material that wasn't on the test. 2 hours wasted... whoops. so i watched 2 chapters of material, and then used the study guide to learn 2 or 3 other chapters, but that still left 2 or 3 chapters that i knew nothing about. but i took the test anyway. but before i went to take the test, moxie(bless her heart) called me and told me that i needed to come to class (which i was going to come to, just late) now or my grade was getting marked as an F because i wasn't there to show my project. so i ran over there and now i have an A in the class.
business law test went a little rough, but it's done now, and i'm sure i passed the class, so i'm satisfied. i came home and have been studying philosophy pretty much since then. and it's been good studying too, i feel like i'm understanding things much better than when we first went over them. i'm pretty confident about the exam. too bad it's at 8am though, gross. haha.
i don't have to have the JCS video done for finals week! this is a nice weight off my workload. i just need to make sure i can get the interviews with duffy done and i also have to tape my own video which will be done in the house. finishing touches on my game also have to be made. can't wait to be finished!
so tonight i feel that life is lovely.
and to close, while at JCS the other day i saw a hawk of some sort fly nearby with a squirrel in its talons. i tried to get close to the bird to take a picture but it flew off long before i got remotely close. but it left the squirrel....
haha. poor squirrel. it's the circle of life. the path unwinding.
also in closing, i like La Dispute, especially the lyrical arrangement. it's cool. i really need to see them in concert, i've missed out too many times.
love and peace yo.
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