before i go

listening to: Kaziers Orchestra - the songs on their myspace page

update on the situation.

talked to my dad for a while today.
he is practically at the end of his rope over this. he doesn't want to have to leave, he doesn't want to end this marriage, and everything in him believes that God is showing him that the marriage isn't supposed to end. he wants to fix everything, to try. he still has hope and faith.

my mother, sadly, i think does not share the same perspective.
i am worried in the worst way that she is purposely exaggerating and overreacting to this situation in order to have an excuse, a justification for what she has already set in motion plans to do. i need to talk to her. i don't think her faith is strong and real in this. i'm going to challenge her about it.

when my dad talks to me, it's about what he's been trying to do to make things better. he's been reading books, he tries treating my mom in different ways and he really tries to understand where she's coming from and what's going on in her head. when my mom talked to me, all i heard was her piling claims of things my dad has done and how everything is stressful to her and that she's prayed for God to change her heart but it hasn't happened. i'm wondering if that's all she has done has prayed for change without doing anything.

talking about some things with my dad paralleled some things i talk about with kelley yesterday. what it comes down to is that the relationship takes two people who really honestly want to work things out and to try and be committed. i know my dad is right there on this, his heart is with the family, his heart is with my mother, he loves her. my mom... i don't know where her heart is, but i intend to find out. and i'll call her out on things if i need to.

i'm learning things from this too. i will stand up for what i think is right.

i won't watch my family split without doing everything i can to help keep it together. and not just staying together for "staying together's" sake, but to heal and grow again.

so in the morning i'm going to court with my dad and i might be saying something before the judge. i'll be there for him because i think he's trying to do the right thing more than anyone else.

and i'm leaving for new york.
wow.