over it

listening to: Wisely - Through Any Window



really like this video. first saw it on another blog, The Good Word.
(good blog btw)

today i called the bank and that went well. i was overdrawn by over $200 this past week. school took money from me this month when i thought they would be taking it next month. so that was an event. 2 overdraft fees and a transfer of funds from savings to checking later, i was in the positive. after the phone call i got one of the overdraft fees returned to me ($30) and now i'm signed up for something that will help protect me from doing this again.

i am really tired right now so forgive me if i make even less sense than usual.

today at work i thought about the phrase "i'm over it." what qualifies you to be "over" something? or especially some one? is it that you don't ever think of them any more? is it that you no longer care about interacting with this person? is it indifference? maybe it's just the firm decision that what's done is done and there is only the future ahead. a purposeful "eyes on the road." in reference to a relationship from long ago, i am indifferent. towards the most recent, i'm looking ahead. i don't mean to suggest, for even a moment, that i wish things were different now than they are, just to be clear. but really, "over it" does not mean forgotten. i think it often means ignored.

and now i'm starving thanks to emo making delicious smelling pizza at 2am. maybe if i had a door on my room i would have been spared this sudden hunger brought on by the wandering smell of fresh baked goodness. curses.

and my car almost blowed up. that's probably exaggerating. but if what i'm going to try tomorrow morning does not fix my car, i might be in some trouble. and i also wouldn't be able to go to flint thursday. and i'm really looking forward to flint, so my car better be just fine. and stay fine for another year.

so, been stressing a bit lately. with the money, the car, the family situation, the homework, and the sharing of other's burdens. i feel a little weighted down.

here's a secret. i love playing guitar. that's not the secret. the secret is i really really don't like it when somebody else takes my place and plays guitar instead of me. it makes me really jealous. because i want to play all the time. i love it. i don't want to not do it. it gives me more purpose, it gives me a place, it gives me joy. i don't feel this way so much when the person taking my place is a good friend, or just some one who i really respect. but there's the secret. it's selfish.

it's not really my place anyway right? but i want it really bad.

i guess i'll get over it.