what? now?

listening to: the hum of my computer.  it is way too late.

yeah yeah.  so 4:45am isn't necessarily the best time to be up and at em and thinking about things, but so is my life.

so as i see it, here is a short list of things i am capable of doing with my "life" as they say after college.

-continue working at costco while trying to get a game company going.  see if it takes off

-travel to india for like 3 months making something like $1000 a week teaching a class on a program i used a lot in school

-move to california and start out making at least $50/hr programming in Flash (this possiblility i was just informed of tonight)

-start a band.  do the band thing.  write music. meet people. travel.

hm.  the india thing could be done over the summer if it's possible enough i guess.  i know two people out in san francisco that have told me they can get me in with the right people if i wanted to move out there and work.

a real job using the degree i paid and worked for.  that makes sense. but really, i'm not always concerned with making sense am i?  no, i'm not.

is exciting and frightening.  i'm not confident in my skillz, but other people seem to think i can do it. that's nice.

i guess we'll see. it's good to know what opportunities are out there for me though.

pretty cool.

the receiving end of awkward

listening to: Silverstein - Always and Never

i really enjoy awkward moments.

i feel like i'm a bit of an awkward person, maybe having to do with me often saying very little but when i do talk i try to say too much.

awkward is more fun when you're not the one in the awkward position, but i pretty much just laugh no matter what it is, just because i find awkward to be funny.

awkward/nervous.  that's where it's at.

i thought of the title for this post today and i decided i had to use it.

here is something i realized today that i never thought about and it was sorta miraculous that it just occurred to me:

"fort" is probably short for "fortress."

i never put that together before today. i was pleased.

i'm considering trying to use only one space between my sentences instead of the two i've used since forever.  is this common?  i have no idea.  it saves space i suppose.  i've been getting in the habit of single spacing sentences when i text message, because character count maximization is key for that.  gotta make the most of those 160. economize.

Seth came over tonight after the soccer game (which went train wreckish) to hang out. it was cool, since seth and i never really hang out.  ever.  but it was fun.  he asked if i ever knew the game Gunstar Heroes for the Sega, and i was like "of course" and it happened to be one of the two games i downloaded on my Wii.  so we beat it in one sitting, using only one continue.  that really is something beacuse it's not a cakewalk game.  i was very pleased.

if i'm not careful i'm going to hurt myself in a soccer game.  when i get too upset with myself for not doing well i hit things.  things that are harder than my fist.  and that's just not going to end well.  i've currently got some marks on my right hand, wrist-ish area, from hitting the wall real hard after i got scored on.  i doesn't hurt as much as it probably should, considering how hard i knew i swung.  oh well.  i always laugh at people who do that kind of thing during sports, because it's so stupid and pointless.  but then i go and do it.  smooth.

oh, and the Left4Dead lan party saturday was great fun!  i like that game.

oh!  Giannii gave me the game World of Goo for Christmas.

it's really fun!

you can get a demo at that link.

when i was in San Francisco for GDC this year I saw the 2 guys that made this game speak.  seemed really cool.  the game is great, buy it.  sadly it's got a piracy rate of like over 80%.  these guys worked hard to make this game and deserve to get paid for it.

i think there was something from yesterday i wanted to mention, but i can't remember what it was...  ah well.  time for sleeping.  it's past 3:30am and i are tired.

good morning, i'm sarcastic

i just read a short article (linked via Bill Kahler's blog) about how guitar hero is killing rock 'n' roll.  and i think it argued the point terribly.

i imagine the writer of the article plays a real instrument or two, and he's maybe in a band.  if he doesn't play real instruments then he's just completely ridiculous for writing this.  to me it just sounds like he's whining because kids can do something visually similar to what he does, but it's way easier on a video game.  he put in all the hard to work to learn to play real guitar and now people are impressed by kids playing a plastic guitar.

boo hoo.

and then there are the people that complain that others aren't really fans of certain bands because they only heard of them on guitar hero or rock band.  i guess if other people who barely know the band call themselves fans it somehow tarnishes your own superfanboy image eh?  lighten up, be glad that other people are liking the music you like.  show them more of that band.

i play real guitar.  i used to play guitar hero a lot, and was pretty good at it.  guitar hero is not a threat to music.  people who whine about it instead of making music are a threat to music.

and i love the comments after the article.  take this one:

Yeah, I hate it when people only say they like songs after they've heard them too. Real music fans like music before they even listen to it.

wtf??

real fans like music before they hear it you say?  honestly?  sounds like mindless devotion to a band or something, automatically liking it despite having knowledge of it's quality.  i absolutely love Thrice, but if they released a new album and I hadn't heard it yet, I wouldn't tell somebody that i loved it already.  they've made songs that i haven't really liked before, it's not like i think everything they touch turns to gold.

"hey, how do you like the new (band name) cd?"

-"oh man, i love it it's great!"

"have you listened to it all yet?"

-"well, no.  i actually haven't listened to any of it yet"

w.t.f.

the internet is never short of dumb people.

i just spent too much of my morning writing this.

guess i felt like complaining.

off to work.

cya.

different

listening to: Drop Dead, Gorgeous - Swing (Savage cover)

this is not a Christmas song.

it's got language in it folks.

but i like when hardcore/screamo covers rap.

just listen or don't.

things are just different.  my family is not whole.  it bugs me.

despite this, it was a good Christmas.

wendesday i went to kalamazoo to be with my mom's side of the family.  hung out for a couple hours.  left to be back in time for church and took west, reme and arif with me.

went caroling with people from church.

had the Christmas Eve service.  i love the candlelight stuff.

spent the night at my moms.  i hate the family divided.

had a good talk with my mom, which is rare.  she is not herself.  she is just not herself.  and i don't like it, at all.

Christmas morning.  wake up, fall asleep, have a crazy dream with lots of friends in it and snow is coming through the roof because the tent that somebody put over the hole isn't working and i have to pile snow high enough to climb onto the roof and fix it but then i wake up.

breakfast was really good.

presents went well.  reme absolutely loved what i got her (socks...?) and selvije loved what i got my mom (wall-e).  arif told me what i should have got him (sheesh).  west was ecstatic because at first he thought i just burned him the thrice live cds but then i tossed Disgaea for DS at him and he made loud noises of happiness.  i like giving things that people like.

we watched wall-e.  i like that movie.

i got stuff.  i'm happy with it.  don't feel like listing it for some reason.

left there with everyone to go see my dad.

got gifts from him too.

we went to my aunt's for dinner.

dinner = GIANT pancakes that were awesome.  pancakes were the size of the large plates we ate them on.  sweet.

played with helicopters, hung around, just were together.

i almost fell asleep laying on the floor.

left there and i'm back home now.

i've said it plenty of times before, but i absolutely love having sisters.  things are rough but my youngest sister is always so happy.  she loves to sit by me and give me hugs and she's smiling so much.  she's really developed a snappy kind of wit that you just don't expect to come from her when it doesn't seem like she knows english that well.  always surprises me. and reme is great too.  my sisters make me feel loved.

it's the parent's job to love their children, and it's the children's tendency to act like they don't need it.

just something that occurred to my today as i was being offered help and i kept refusing it.

lately i've been thinking about how maybe it would be nicer not to be alone(ish).

whether i continue to think that or not is very uncertain.

going to go make some food (maybe) and do something for the rest of the night.

Merry Christmas.

i dislike cars getting stuck in the snow but i love seeing people help each other get out.

i wish it was easier to tell when people get stuck in life, and then maybe more often people would be helping others get unstuck.

Trans-Siberian AWESOME

listening to: Everything TSO that i heard tonight

HOLY CRAP.

The TSO concert was AMAZING.

The lights and the sounds and the LAZERZ and the FIRE.

everything was just super incredibly crazy awesome.

i want to see them again.  next year when they come around.

you should come too.

i want to go learn how to play guitar better.

and learn violin.

and cello.

and piano.

and i want to join TSO.  pretty plz?

such good stuff though.

the violinist's tossing their bows back and forth to each other

the incredible drum solo with coordinated (prly via midi) light show

the double necked SG (lulz)

the fire i could feel from the back of the arena (i think, heh)

guitar solos

violin solos

singing solos

string metal

everything was so epic.

oh, and i'd like to marry the female violinist.

her name is Anna Phoebe.

she played a pink electric violin

she had sweet stage performance moves

she has swords on her website

she is from Ireland.  (YES ACCENT)

this is her:

that's right, she played at the pyramids.

300

this is post number 300.

.....

whelp, see ya later.

oh the lulz that i lul

listening to: Olafur Arnalds - 3055

i like the visuals with this song.

david boss told me about this and i definitely think i'd like to listen to more of his stuff.

this is a longer one.  i haven't written in a few days and i'm catching up.

last night i almost threw up.  but it was because i was laughing too hard and couldn't stop.  it was beyond just my sides hurting, it was too much lulz.  i dunno if any of you have the same problem.  maybe it was because i had just eaten recently.  actually yeah that seems to be the problem.

but that's the result when you get two of my top three "people that make jarrod laugh" in the same room hanging out.  i just made up this "people that make jarrod laugh" list off the top of my head, but the list goes as follows:

-Rich Roslund

-Jesse Brown (Twinkie)

-Tyler Card

these three guys just absolutely entertain me.  i hung out with rich and twinkie last night (casey was there too) and we played risk.  usually i do not enjoy playing risk, as i: always forget how to play, don't know strategy, typically lose.  but last night i enjoyed it immensley because i was laughing to much through most of it.  the game ended when a mini remote control helicopter flew into the game board.  nobody was mad, it was just funny.

the only downside was that i completely forgot about danita's last farewell get-together because i remembered that i was supposed to call rich when i got out of work, and i love rich so much that i didn't think of anything else.

the night before i hung out with alex for a looooong time.  a long, good time.  got some Christmas shopping done.  i only have to get something for my dad now, and i have no idea what.  alex and i sat at dunkin donuts for literally hours.  it was a good time talking.

tomorrow is the TSO concert.  yeeaaahhhh.

wednesday i have to trek down to kalamazoo for a family Christmas party.  boooo.  it's never a real family thing anymore because my whole family is never together anymore.

nick has been spending his time watching gilmore girls when he should be spending his time breaking up with his girlfriend.  once he accomplishes that, he should stay single and motivate himself to get some sort of education in order.  he loves playing bass, fine, make it some sort of musical education.  he can't work at that warehouse forever.  at least, he doesn't want to.  i'm afraid that kid just wants to hop relationships, and i can't blame him.... well yes, i can blame him and i will, but i can understand the desire to.  he should have broke up with that girl over a year ago.  maybe 2 years.  nick is too nice to be treated like he is by her.

and me?  what about me?  i'm semi-content, feigning disinterest, biting my tongue, avoiding restlessness.  i overthink and understate.  i don't know what's right for me.  all i know is that someday i'm going to leave, and i don't want to leave someone behind or pull them up and take them with me.

maybe i'll go to japan and borrow emo's "i'm looking for a japanese girlfriend" shirt.  it was really funny when we went to an asian food restaurant and suddenly he realized he was wearing that shirt and tried very hard to cover it up.  oh, emo.

oh, our neighbors apparently whine to the landlord about us all the time, and he's getting sick of it.  the other night they were pounding around at 3am, and then again arond 5am, for no apparent reason.  it was ridiculous.  and we man up and deal with it, we don't go running to the landlord for everything.  it looks like one of the parties living in this residence may be getting kicked out.  

dear Chad(landlord), would you rather keep renters that complain to you about everything or renters who know how to deal with life's circumstances and get over it?  they are the ones with the abnormal sleeping/work schedule, the ones that wake you up at 4am to call and whine, the ones that call the cops on us, the one with the dog that runs in circles upstairs(driving nick crazy), the ones that threaten us with the statement "it's on."  if you kicked us out, they wouldn't have anything to complain about until somebody else moves in and then you'll get to deal with them again.  if you replace them with normal people, chances are good that we'll get along with them.  at the very least, you still won't get complaining phone calls from us, and you'll stop theirs.

love, jarrod.

best case scenario: the neighbors move out and we get friends of ours to move in upstairs.  we could leave the whole house open and there would be harmony in the homestead.  pretty please, God?

list format:

-i like shoveling snow.  like i like mopping.  it's true.  maybe it's making things clean that i like.

-also, i like brushing all the snow off a car.

-i feel like i've had a bigger than normal appetite since i stopped being sick

-i'm playing soccer again next session   :)  2 or 3 teams this time.

-i'm playing the clock game

-i'm playing pokemon on my phone

-lunch is soon

-today i think i'll

clean my room

capture video to compy

wrap Christmas gifts

watch avatar

play pokemon

-enjoy being on break

jarrod out.

realized

listening to: portugal. the man - stables and chairs

i need to stop dealing with people as if they were me.

i'm too hard on me.

i'm not as nice to me.

other people are other people, not my expectations for myself.

random thought: treating others the way you want to be treated probably isn't a good idea of you're a masochist.

good morning.

victory

listening to:

at least watch at about 2:35 where he starts sweep picking.  that stuff is nuts.

"i see a fanny pack as being kind of like the sweat pants of luggage... it says i quit.  i am now a noncombatant in the game of life.  when you have a fanny pack, you know, it's like clogs in public, right, you say like "this is it, i'm done, i got nothin'."

-you look nice today's Merlin Mann.  funny guy.

i got a gameboy emulator working on my phone.  i'm playing pokemon yellow.  awe yeah, good times.

i accomplished my goal of being less self conscious of how i look, namely not being real concerned about my hair.  this may sound trivial, but i really didn't want to be worried about how i look, if my hair gets "messed up" or whatever.  yeah, so it worked and now i really don't care so much whether i "do" anything with my hair or not.  but i do need a haircut because it doesn't really stay up now when i want it to.

and i love having a beard.  it makes everything better.

ok i need to start driving to work.  the snow is nuts out there.

peace.

and finally

listening to:  All That Remains - This Darkened Heart

they have a female bassist now

i am now done with school.

it feels good.  real good.

tuesday i'm going to see the Trans-Siberian Orchestra with my dad and brother.  should be super sweet!

i got about 4 hours of sleep last night, so i think i'm going to put on a movie and see if i end up taking a nap  :)

oh, and emo just opened up his movies folder to our home network, and now i have access to over 200 movies.  nice.

thinking of getting left4dead.  it's fun and rich will have it and we can play.  i love rich.

and i'm really hoping a gameboy emulator on my phone will allow me to take lsdj with me everywhere.  would be so cool!.

peace

16

listening to: Cold War Kids - Something is Not Right With Me

has the smoke cleared enough for me to be able to do this without appearing to be copying?

because i've been waiting for that.

and i've been trying to think of good things to write.

1.  My biggest dream in life includes the following:  1.traveling the world in a band playing my own music  2. at every show, play at least one hymn/praise song, either the original version or a cover  3. having a cute girl along to take pictures and maybe sell merch and maybe be mine.   condition 3 is non-critical.

2. I love words.  I really love big words.  I find the use of big words attractive.  Not obnoxious/pretentious but just using cool words, even creatively.  mm yeah, vocab.

3. I love music, a whole lot, but i don't want to know too much about it, all the theory and what things are supposed to go together and all that.  i worry that if i knew all that stuff it would kill something wild and creative and free about music for me.  i like the discovery, and i feel that if i had the map memorized it would make the journey less exciting.

4. it's my fault my family adopted 3 kids from albania about 4 years ago.  i would never consider taking that back.  i really like having sisters.

5. my favorite food is pb&j sandwiches.  best combination of simplicity and taste.  yum.

6. i really like cool shirts.  cool designs/words/bands.  t-shirts are standard attire for me beacuse i have so many that i like.  this is why i'm sorta addicted to shirt.woot.   i want to get rid of all my not as cool shirts and just wear ones that i love all the time.  it delights me when people say the shirt i'm wearing is cool.

7.  my favorite number is 47.  this came about fairly abitrarily.  i was getting an email address and i needed to put a number on it, i think i was trying to pick 49 because for some reason i like the 49ers, but it was taken so i chose 47.  and now it's my favorite.

8. i absolutely adore lolcat pictures.  they can easily consume a half hour of my time (or more) without me realizing it.  along with that goes with my enjoyment of talking in lolspeak.  which is similar to me liking to write in l33t sometimes, and i like back and forth conversations of that nature.

9. i quite rarely curse, but by far the most common time for me to use expletives is during soccer, but it's always directed at myself for not doing something i should have.  second place for most swears used is video games.  third is minor injuries.  and i say them quietly.

10. i dislike medicine a lot.  i hate swallowing pills.  basically i avoid taking any medicine when i can.  only exception is when i have something really annoying like a stuffy nose or cough.  i'm willing to swallow a small pill for that.  but i never take painkillers.   i can handle it, kthx.

11. i really really want to know another language someday.  really.  maybe i'll move someplace to pick one up.

12. i almost always pace when i am talking on the phone or brushing my teeth.

13. I have a somewhat strange habit of eating my food proportionally.  Example: if i have corn, mashed potatoes, bread, and green beans on my plate, when i am just about done eating i will have one bite of each item left on the plate.  for some reason i like to finish all my different foods at the same time.  and i always eat the smallest chips first and it bugs me when somebody comes by and takes the big chip that i was saving for last.

14. The Jarrod Theorem: Any food that tastes good on it's own will taste as good or better when combined with peanut butter.  So far I haven't been proven wrong and tic tacs do not count as food.

15. I think I'd like to try opening a restaurant.  except we just serve peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.  i'd start out lemonade stand style to see how well i could do, then grow as appropriate.  i'd sell sammiches on different kinds of bread using different kinds of peanut butter and jelly and they could be toasted too.  it would be fun to talk to people as i make their sandwich.  i would call it, "PB& Jarrod."  i had secretly hoped kelley wouldn't find out my idea because "PB& Kelley" sounds better and she could run a business more effectively.

16. i'm good at waiting.  i spend a lot of time waiting for things.  i'll go for it all when i'm ready, but my opportunities come when i'm patient.  this is contrary to what most of the world would advise, but that's why i think it's good.  things always work out.

should be sleeping

listening to: The Fall of Troy - Ghostship part 1 (Introverting Dimensions)

"The stars scream out, and spew our names.  Told through the sky's hellacious waves.  Copied and calculated, we waited forever, and now i remember.  How cumulous clouds turned our worlds upside down..."

as i was typing those words out the very song they came from started up on random play.

we just watched FLCL, on a whim.

that's still my favorite anime.

i spent so much time watching it.  over and over.

and going back to parts and watching for things.

and looking into it, and understanding it.

and trying to get the references.

trying to ignore the admittedly often perverse humor.

(you get less of it if you're more innocent.  i used to be more innocent.)

i want to go away someplace so that i can come back.

yeah?

can't miss you if you don't go away.

i had a great day today.

i have class early.  8am.

i should go to bed.

but first,

These words, these pages of text, this blog; it all references a part of me.

this is jarrod in theory.

jarrod in practice is not the same.

real life is much more complicated.

or so simple that i can't help but make it appear complicated because if i realize how easy it was i might just explode or collapse or get it right.

occasionally i'll catch my reflection in something just for a second and i've got a look that makes me think of sylar every time.

*twisted smile*

sick daze

it's weird.  i feel worse about calling in sick to work when i'm actually sick than i do when i'm not exactly sick.  maybe it's admitting weakness.  meh.

so i called in sick.

i'm staying home.

i'm doing very little.

probably still eating very little.

the grilled cheese last night was really good though.

sammich and grapes for lunch.

drinking water all of the times.

watching avatar.

maybe a movie.

using Toshi (laptop) so i don't have to get out of bed.

this sounds really nice if it wasn't all part of being sick.

last night was a lot of fun though.

ice skating, hip/fancy place eating at, watching the club through the bathroom wall and wondering(worrying) if they could see you too.

i find black toilets to be awkward, almost alien.

what i didn't like was "being obvious about being secret"

we live in our own worlds.

tiem to rezt.

writing

i just got my advanced composition portfolio grade back and i got an A.  i'm very happy.

i wanted to post one of my pieces here because the teacher said she thought it was my best one.  she called it "brutally candid" and i like that something i did was described with the word "brutal"  muahaha.

so i think this assignment was just to write something that was a memoir.  if any of the quotes sound forced, it's because we had to cite from a couple of assigned sources.  The La Dispute quoting was definitely all my idea.  :)

Memoir

“What a bunch of fools we lovers are/

When tempted by the taste of flesh”

(Dreyer, Future Wars).

 

I was once blind and reckless and only wanting of affection.  Augustine wrote it better, “But what was it that delighted me save to love and to be loved? Still I did not keep the moderate way of the love of mind to mind--the bright path of friendship. Instead, the mists of passion steamed up out of the puddly concupiscence of the flesh, and the hot imagination of puberty, and they so obscured and overcast my heart that I was unable to distinguish pure affection from unholy desire” (Augustine 2.2.2).  It was years ago now, when we were such proud high school students, but it still stands as a strong reminder of what a good relationship is not like.

            I feel that I was much younger then, in mind more than body.  She was a bit older than I, and I had been delighted to find myself the object of another’s affection.  We had mutual friends, which afforded us opportunities to get to know each other.  There were the late nights of conversation from our own homes, in front of brightly glowing computer monitors.  Things progressed and soon enough we were dating, all too soon in retrospect.  Things went well for a while.  A year went by and it was pleasant to have some one to hold and to care for.

            Then there was some turmoil in the relationships between our mutual companions.  I sided with her against my friends and the two of us became somewhat isolated from them.  I deemed the decision as being for best once I saw my friends start living their lives in a way I had no desire to follow.  Seeing their partying that I would not risk my legal record by joining, I became of the same mind as John Winthrop when he said, “We observed it a common fault in our young people, that they gave themselves to drink hot waters [rum or other distilled liquor] very immoderately” (Winthrop, Mon. 3 May 1630).  Soon the “fun” seemed to be draining from our own relationship, at least in her perspective.  I spent much of my time trying to please her, make her happy, or provide some sort of entertainment for her boredom.  In return I was treated to complaints or cold silence.  I was too foolish to see the folly and utter futility of staying with her; there was no pleasant future there.  I was attached and didn’t want to let go.  After all, she still said, “I love you” back.

            She found a new group of friends that we started to spend time with frequently.  Then I started to get the feeling that she didn’t want me around them so much.  She wanted them to herself.  I was a bit confused and troubled, and she was hanging out with that guy an awful lot during the late hours of the night-- an awful lot, and it was turning my insides out to think about.  How well I knew, as Mary Chesnut put it, “We stand in need of wise counsel; something more than courage” (Chesnut 5).

            I talked a good deal about the situation with a friend who knew both of us well. After more than a week of considering it, I finally decided that I needed to end the relationship.  I wanted it to end, but I still kept such secret high hopes that she would realize how much I really meant to her and we would be reunited as a stronger and happier couple.  Those were foolish thoughts.  I remember exactly what we were wearing that day.  I had my tears and she wore a smile, neither was fake.

            For the next week I was heartbroken.  At the end of that week I heard from a friend that she and that guy she was spending an awful lot of time with were now dating.  It was my worst fear it and it had come true.  Looking back though, I see that this was the best way to keep me from ever wanting to go back to her.  I would never have been happy with her, because she would never have been happy with me.  She could hardly be happy with herself, and now I understand that was a major part of the problem.  I learned what type of personality and behavior is unhealthy.  I learned that a girl like her will only drag me down to where she is and I would never become something more within a relationship like that.

 

Works Cited

Augustine. “Chapter XII, Book Nine.” Confessions.  Albert Outler, ed. U Pennsylvania

1995. 8 Oct. 2008 http://ccat.sas.upenn.edu/jod/augustine.html

            Path: Texts and Translations; Confessions; English translation (Outler)

Dreyer, Jordan.  “Future Wars.”  Vancouver.  Friction Records, 2006.

Winthrop, John. Shipboard Journal. The Winthrop Society. 1996. 8 Oct. 2008

            <>

            Path: Texts; Journal of the Crossing of the Atlantic

Chesnut, Mary Boykin. A Diary from Dixie: Electronic Edition. Documenting the

            American South. University of North Carolina. 1995. 8 Oct. 2008

           

i'm trying to burp and it won't work

listening to: The Fall of Troy - The Walls Bled Lust

i'm trying to get this bubble out of me by burping and it just won't come out.

i srsly should have let myself be burped by a practiced hand.

such a strange, annoying feeling.

got The Fall of Troy's new EP in the mail today with a tshirt.

i didn't realize that the cd was actually a rerecording of the Ghostship Demos.

but it's real good and i'm real excited to be able to listen to it.

thomas erak is still my guitar hero.

events and shoutouts for the day:

-did not throw up today, good sign.

-completed my advanced comp class for good.

-finally turned in my drawing stuff, done with that class

-did a lot of sitting around today, but not always doing nothing

-thanks emily for the get yeller items

-didn't get as much music stuff done as i'd have liked, but lolcats are very entertaining.  "just click next bethany, don't look at danielle"

love you, kittehs

the secret to staying thin

the secret to shedding those pounds and keeping them off is easier than you might think.

the key lies in something you may never have considered to be a factor.

roommates.

here's what you do.

find roommates that don't wash their dishes for weeks at a time and just let them pile up in the sink.  for this to work best, they must leave some amount of food on the dishes so that it can start going bad in the open air.

soon enough, the entire kitchen will start to smell terrible.  every time you walk into the room to get food, your appetite will immediately plummet as the pungent stench of uncleanliness assaults your nasal passages.  if you are particularly sensitive to smell, this can become a futher weight benefit by causing you to uncontrollably vomit.

if that isn't quite enough, make sure at least one of your roommates leaves unfinished food open/uncovered in the refrigerator for at least a few days.  long enough for the fridge to smell bad for double or even triple the amount of time the leftovers were placed in that enclosed space.

take this advice and i'm sure you'll be on the road to weight loss in no time at all.  just keep a bucket around the kitchen in case you get seized by the need to spout a "technicolor yawn."

there's your weight loss tip for the day.

you outdid yourself

i get the dictionary.com word of the day emailed to me every day.  well, actually sometimes it doesn't come and then shows up a day or two later and get multiple at once, but you know.  i do this because i love vocabulary, i like words.

anyway.

today the word of the day is an absolutely ridiculous word that i have never heard of and will never use:

ablaut \ABH-lout\, noun:

the systematic substitution of one root vowel sound for another in different inflectional forms or derivatives of a word, as in ring, rang, rung.

really?  did we need to make a word for that?
i don't think we did.

that's all for now.

before i pass out

blogger just really disappointed me because i found a handful of funny things to post and the images wouldn't fit in the confines of my posting area, so the edges were cut off.  consequently, i had to download them and then upload them.  but i guess it was worth it to me.

PLEASE tell me if you got that last one.

firstly, here's a video i watched this morning.

this guy Peter Schiff was trying to tell these people that things are going to go horribly wrong with our stocks and financial institutions and everybody is laughing at him.

good game financial analysts. good game.

i need to go lay back down.

bleah

i feel terrible.

today while i was still home and lying in bed feeling semi-wretched from whatever sickness this must be, i imaginitively experience a scenario where i was in the hospital on what could potentially be my deathbead because of how sick i was (in my imagination).  there were a lot of my friends around me and i would hurriedly say to each of them how much they meant to me and what i liked about them and apologizing for any wrongs i'd done to them and i was saying it all in streams of speech, sounding partially delirous.

yeah, these are the things i daydream sometimes.  strange, i think.

this sickness or whatever it is has sapped all my energy.  i've felt very tired and weak most of today.  i feel like i get punched in the head with mini headaches that only last for a short period, and then my body aches in waves sometimes.  i just generally feel abnormal, something is definitely not right.  my mind feels floaty.

with that, i'm going to sleep.

probably not going to class in the morning.  and i'm perfectly ok with that.

sorry momma lauren, i didn't go straight to bed when i got home.

cautious

listening to: Trans-Siberian Orchestra - Christmas Eve/Sarajevo 12/24

it's all a game to me.

one i seldom let myself play.

what to do, oh what to do.

i got all my drawing done today.  i didn't go to work so i could get my drawing final done by the due date tonight.  i went to go turn it in online when i noticed an email from my professor.  the email said that he pushed the due date for our project back to friday.

...

/facepalm

ah well.  just one sculpture to go and i'm done with the class.  phew.

pwned my marketing presentation today.  really glad about that.

had the last class day for Fiction.  too bad, i liked the people in that class a lot.

still plenty to be done though.  plenty.  but i feel good.

we're playing a trans-siberian orchestra song in church on sunday and i'm super pumped for it.  i want to practice it all of the times so i can do well.  i need to learn to do the squeadlies.   practice practice.

i'll leave you with this quote from Scott Simpson, a man i find very entertaining:

"that's the beauty of the anachronism, of the weird behavior... if i were to write a 10 page paper on why you should be a nerd, it's because the 95% will think you're an idiot but the 1% who's a lady and who's hot and, you know, gets it, will love you."

that sounds more serious than it is in context.  they were discussing fanny packs.

the internet just ran away.

i dunno when this will post because i don't know when the internet will come back.

please come back by morning.  pretty please internet.

peace.

nearly there

listening to: Drop Dead, Gorgeous - The Show Must Go On

after today, smooth sailing.

after today, finals are cake.

after today, i'll breathe easier.

so bring it on, it's just another day.

"let's set the stage on fire, and hollywood will be jealous"

really?

so apparently on wednesday a man "exposed" himself to one of my coworkers.  she's an older lady, grandmotherly, and she works at the door checking receipts or greeting people as they come in.  as it was told to me, she asked a man if she could see his receipt and he replied "i bet you want to see this" and showed her the receipt which happened to be perched upon the man's exposed phallus.

they got his license plate number.  i doubt she'll ever get that day of her life back.

oy

Listening to: Judgement Day - Inferno

I just wrote a small part of a paper on this poem that I chose.  I really liked it.

I tried copying the poem here but every time the formatting goes nuts. dumb.

and i almost bought this shirt, but i figure i should save my money. need to pay for classes again soon.

i need to do crazy amounts of homework this weekend.  oy.

pipe down already

listening to: Legion of Doom - Destroy All Vampires(My Chemical Romance + A Static Lullaby)

i would go NUTS if that happened.

it won't.

but if it did.

i would go insane.

i am quiet in ways that i am very quiet about.

and it makes me want to punch the loud ones.

hm... title.

listening to: Regina Spektor - On the Radio

just had a pretty intense discussion about pokemon with my roommates and two visiting friends.

fantastic.

except i can't find my blue version.  but i found a bunch of other random stuff i forgot i had.

i like digging through old objects that i don't need at all.  it's digging through memories.

but i still want to get rid of a ton of it.  i just don't need so much stuff.

tonight at my soccer game i felt like i finally clicked.  i finally got back into it and played well.  maybe it was scoring 6 goals last week, gave me confidence or something.  we played the (by far) hardest team in our league.  they destroyed us last time we played against them.  we played solid though tonight.  more importantly to me, i played pretty solid.  i still don't feel like i'm where i used to be, but i feel like i tried way harder this time.  it was really rewarding to do well.  we lost the game by a couple goals, but it was really close throughout the whole match.  loved it.

my dad was there to watch.  after the game we went and got shakes at mcdonalds and i listened for a long while, as is fairly typical nowadays.  i'm not saying listening is a bad thing, i just don't really have much input to speak myself.  but he told me something that made me very glad.  last sunday my mom called him and offered to come by and put up/decorate a Christmas tree for him.  granted, she wanted to do it while he was gone from the house, but still... she actually offered.  i think that's a really good sign.  time and prayer, prayer and time.

i've got more homework to do than my current work eithic would indicate.

this weekend will be a little crazy.

but i'll live.

and that's good.

if you'll excuse me, i've got some sleeping to do.

try it

i was walking through the cold with my shoulders hunched up to keep my coat closer to me for warmth.  then i realized what i was doing and i relaxed and let my shoulders down.  everything felt different.

maybe a complex metaphor there.

also, a quote that i lolled at:

"the wheels of justice are gonna leave tread marks on your face old man!"

go go

listening to: Counting Crows - Hanging Around

heard this song on the drive back home from HH tonight.  i sang along loudly and loved it.  it would be a lot of fun to play this with people clapping along.

great day today.

was less productive this afternoon than i planned on, but that's ok.  i got really distracted by this desire:

i don't usually like to post multiple videos in one post because i feel like people are less likely to watch them, but this is a great clip from a great movie and it's funny because it appears to be in spanish.

so yeah, i want to learn to play it, i started a little.

today during HH i went to the cookie-making station. i made a cookie with pink frosting on it.

after i made it, it made me remember the cookies my mom used to make for me and put in my lunch.

around valentines day she would make heart shaped cookies.

it would be one whole heart cookie with pink frosting on it and

then another heart shaped cookie on top.

but the one on top had another heart cut out of the center of it.

there was less worry those days.

i love music and i want to play it for the rest of my life.

here's another of those thoughts i've been trying to remember:

it's so much easier to write some one off once you've labeled them.

i find myself labeling too much. judging on first impression, on looks alone.  

i should try to stop that.

anwayz. doing a little homework then sleeping. peace out yo.

i get it now

listening to: Thrice - Between the End and Where We Lie

in a small attempt at putting off homework for just a little bit longer i was going through old files, deleting some stuff that i don't need anymore, old homework and such.  i came across an email i had written and sent over a year ago now, i saved a copy of it (because i do things like that sometimes).

i dropped a bomb on that girl.

oh, i wrote it well.  everything i thought spilled out right into the words and i said what i meant and i made it clear.  i'm scarcely ever that direct.

i can see now why i'm dead to her.  rereading those lines and putting myself in her place... i'd be seriously messed up for a long while after all that happened afterward.  there is nothing i can do to change what i did.

i don't know if you still keep up on me, i'd keep up on you if i knew how.  i know what i did and i'm absolutely horrible for doing so.

maybe i've got it wrong and i have less to do with it than i think.  but i won't know.  i'm just sorry.

maybe someday i'll make a song about it and maybe you'll hear it and think of saying hi, just dropping a line.  maybe.

i am so sorry, twin.

thoughts come and go

listening to: The Spill Canvas - All Hail the Heartbreaker

i like this song.  not my usual style.  but i like it.  ignore the slideshow

i forgot to mention the other day that saturday night when i was thinking of the song "Trading My Sorrows," we played it in church the next day.  very nice.

random thought:  having a really sweet phone does not get you any more phone calls than usual.  i don't say that with any bit of sadness, just some humor at the thought.

there's at least two more quoteworthy things i've thought of in the past couple days but i can never remember them when i got to write them down.  forever elusive.

and right now i can't even remember what i began this to write about.

hm.......

well, i guess this concludes tonight's blog.  haha.

i'm making music and loving it.

and it's homework. even better.

peace.

such beautiful words

the is the final message sent out to my No Shave November group.  i loved it.

--------

December has arrived.

Mere words cannot possibly do justice to the feelings of pride I'm currently brimming with for all you, but I feel it's my duty to make a feeble attempt regardless.

I could rant and rave endlessly with all sorts of grandiloquent language about what a punishing struggle the past month of gnarliness and shagginess may have been for you. But you know about that better than I do. You've been there. And why focus on the dreary experiences of yore when victory has already been attained?

Likewise, I could also blather on about the glorious trophies of masculinity adorning each of our faces, and how satisfying it is to now possess bragging rights about maintenance abstinence. But little needs to be said there either, because no one likes it when people restate the obvious.

And so, though I have no idea how to conclude this event in paragraph form, I'd say it's almost better that way. You know what you did. And you know that your position on the scale of general awesomeness has climbed tenfold because of your accomplishment. So give yourself a pat on the back, followed by a hearty stroke of the furry chin.

Some of you have expressed on the event wall that you see no reason to shave now just because of some random date set by Pope Gregory XIII during the Renaissance. I agree wholeheartedly, but must personally abstain from such continuation because of disappointing pressure from my boss. But for those of you who seek to wield your beards for days, weeks or even months to come, I commend you, and you have my blessing. Godspeed to you.

It's been a true pleasure carrying the flag for this great American tradition this year. I'm still amazed that over 1400 people chose to participate in this just through this one event in the Book of Faces, and it blows my mind trying to imagine how many more followers were recruited through similar event pages. Finally, I'd just like to say that I seriously relish in the fact that over 4000 people are going to find this message in their Inbox at some time in the next few days, and will then proceed to be disappointed that it wasn't something important.

Go now and shave with a bittersweet heart.

With all my verbose nonsense,
Mike Mirza

-----------------

so much awesome in there.

i can't stop laughing this morning.

this letter + steve in his car + the lolcat i made last night = me laughing out loud to myself at random.

this is a good morning.

a couple thoughts

listening to: The Devil Wears Prada - Dogs Can Grow Beards All Over

no shave november is ending in approximately 10 minutes.

it will probably be done by the time i finish this.

note the title of the song i'm listening to.  appropriate.

today at work i was coming up with music to a song.

i made up some sweet stuff in my head and i really really hope i don't forget what it is.

in my mind it's sort of this cross between Anberlin, dredg and some Protest the Hero thrown in the.  the PtH aspect came from me thinking "this part sounds a little bit repetetive and stagnant, what would Protest the Hero do?"  haha.  i started a bit of lyrics too.  there is definitely screaming involved.  i'd like to see me actually carry this idea through to something instead of dropping it like i do too many others.

here's a thought.

the more lonley i feel, the more alone i get.

i do not feel either lonely or alone right now.  it's just a thought i had the other day.  when i'm lonely i think i tend to seclude myself.  i'm not saying i've done this recently or anything, but i think it's something that holds pretty true for me.  i get more introspective and such i think.  whatev dawg.

here's another thought.

i seldom win at solitaire.  it's just true.

and a last thought.

sometimes when i look in the mirror i see different versions of me.  lately i've seen a me that's pretty confident.  i'm happy with myself.  and i like having a beard :D   i see a me that feels alive.  occasionally i'll see somebody else.  but ever since i got my hair cut, i feel new.  i feel better.  there's nothing for me to hide behind, and i know i hid behind my hair plenty of times.  it's funny, a handful of people at work who didn't recognize me after the haircut said they only realized it was me when i smiled.  i liked hearing that.  i like smiling.  i like life.  yeah?  yeah.

i need to find something to get me pumped up for my soccer games.  something to make care less about getting hit, because i'd play a lot better if i could keep the thought in my head that i'm not made of glass.  any suggestions?  what gets you pumped?

i think metal would work pretty well if i could play it loud.  i can't broadcast my music in my car though, and i'm not about to turn the earbuds on my zune to 11 while they sit just outside my ear canal.  ya feel me?   maybe something like... chewing shrapnel or boxing a kangaroo.  yeah.

"chainsaw brutality, tornado strength"

that's all.  :)

this is it

you have no idea why i'm posting this.  do you?

except for you.

insides

listening to: The Number Twelve Looks Like You - My Sharona (originally by The Knack)

today i realized i'm attracted, or drawn to, tragedy/sadness/lonliness.

i don't mean that to say that I want to be any of those things, but hostorically that kind of thing has drawn me towards a girl, seeing that in them.  there's this desire in me to fix, to make better, to comfort, and so when i see that need i want to help it.  this isn't necessarily a bad impulse, but handled incorrectly it can cause more harm than good.

and it's not just today that i realized this point, i've known this about myself for a while now.  but today is the first time i've realized how this impulse in me has been affecting my thinking lately, in a way i don't wish to share with the interwebz.  (i say a lot, but i don't say everything here)

i understand sadness and lonliness, and i know it's not fun.  i can relate to it.  that's part of why i'm drawn to make it better for another person sometimes.  but since when has joy and happiness attracted me?  can i not relate to those things as well as i can the sad things?

i hope that's not the case.

but that's why something lately has felt so strange to me.  i realized that i've been searching for some sign of sadness, of lonliness, of a desire to not be alone.  i've been looking for an empty feeling of discontent that i can fill.  is that because i think that then there's a reason for me to be around?  like i have a place to belong to?  i don't know.  this is my thought process as i go along.

but maybe now i want joy instead of sadness.  maybe i want to join in with the happiness instead of trying to be the reason for it.

maybe i'm figuring myself out and finding my faults and learning where i'm weak and seeing where to walk.  maybe i'll do something different.

i wish i could talk to a clone of myself for a day.  or maybe less than a day.  i probably couldn't stand myself for too long.  i think i could talk a lot of sense into me, given a little time.  i know the stupid things i do, the things that don't make sense.  i'd be the only one willing to be hard enough on myself to get through to me.  when my voice is only in my head though, it's easy to shut out.  i should take the advice i'd give me if i asked myself.

heh.

this is absolutely all about relationships.

-----

in other news:

i drove out to Ionia today to pick up a guitar case i bought from a guy on craigslist.  $50, but he gave it to me for $40 because i drove all the way out there.  nice guy.  now i have a hard case for my guitar and i'm pleased.

hung out with rich, adam, twinkia, travis and casey again tonight.  last night twinkie broke my little chair that rocks and he felt real bad.  he had the same kind of chair at home, but upgraded to leather, and while i was at his house he made me take that home with me to replace it.  and he bought me some burger king.  he wouldn't let me pay him back for it.  it's a shame i don't hang out with him aside from when rich, adam or travis come home.  travis won't be back for another year.  air force.  las vegas.  bye dude.

lovely friends, those guys are.  had a good talk with rich last night.  i miss him when he's gone in chicago for so long.  cya on Christmas break.

the semester is ending fast.

i'm not unhappy about that at all.

time to flip on the last bit of Back to the Future II that i fell asleep for and the fall asleep again, like i do most every night.  sleep is good.

i'm trading my sorrow

i'm trading my shame

i'm laying them down for the joy of the Lord

clothing

tshirts that are clever or cool are some of my favorite things in the world.

this is one reason what i absolutely love shirt.woot.com.

here's a clever shirt i found someplace else:

it made me lul.

and if you see me sometime, ask me to show you what i did to my phone, because it makes the nerd in me very, very pleased.

rich and friends are coming over.  i think.

i need a shower.

oh!  i scored 4 goals in my soccer game tonight.  that's a jarrod all-time record.  they actually called back my 4th goal because they said i tripped a girl.  in reality, she kicked me and fell down.  she even said to me "i kicked you."  lamesauce.  it was great fun though.

watched the first Back to the Future last night.  it turns out i can watch stuff from my bed pretty darn well if i move my second monitor a bit.  i think maybe i'll watch BttF II tonight.  we'll see.

and i've got Journey's Anyway You Want It stuck in my head beacuse i've heard it multiple times lately.  i like that song.

ok, shower time.  peace.

some cool stuff

stuff i saw/did today.

this is via the Lunch Bag Art tumblr, which has some really cool stuff.  it's all photos of lunch bag art this dad does for his kids.  super awesome, check them out.  this one was just funny, the dad's caption was "this one didn't make it to school"

here's a picture i saved from a shirt at Woot.  can you guess what famous court case this shirt is a visual depiction of?

and finally a video i just made.  some guitar stuff.  the small beginnings of a song i'd like to make and call "Who Uses a Pick Anyway?"  the song would be pretty much all fingertapping stuff on my part.  maybe some strums, but not with a pick.  it's a little sloppy, but i made it up like 10 minutes before recording it.  i should practice it up.

Who uses guitar picks? from Jarrod Pyper on Vimeo.

my thanksgiving was a little meh today.  just family stuff.  and now just kind of sitting around home hasn't been the greatest of joys.  i think i'll go make a sandwhich and play some games or something.  i haven't played much of anything lately.  watching a movie and falling asleep sounds good too.

this morn

this is a message sent via facebook from one of the managers at costco to all the employees he is friends with on facebook:

Happy thanksgiving to all. Eat too much, drink too much, and live with no regret. Remember to celebrate that on this day people who wore completely impractical clothing and made poor choices with an enlarged sense of ego were bailed out by people they later helped to eliminate with the vast assortment of diseases and technology they brought with them from Europe. Gobble, gobble.

Happythanksgiving to all.
-Joe

he always was my favorite manager.

haha.  Happy Thanksgiving friends.

superstar

cute.

Dog Fight from Jarrod Pyper on Vimeo

today was fantastic.

woke up early to go to JCS to film their Thanksgiving assembly. The kindergarteners and 1st graders were super cute all dressed as pilgrims and indians. brown paper bag-shirts with custom indian drawings in marker are the coolest.

visited my dad for a bit.

came home and emo and i watched the dogs in the video tear into a garbage bag and then play fight for a bit.

started work on my music project for class. i'm pretty excited to see how it turns out. all i have so far is an intro drum beat. i'm not sure if i'll want to keep using a video editor (primier) to do this, when i think i can do it in sony acid. ah well.

work went great. quick. fun. good people.

i feel more comfortable at work and around people there than i do a lot of other places. i see the friends i work with more often than i see other friends or even family. and outside of work i almost never hang out with the people from work. strange. i wish i worked with more of the friends i have.

had a soccer game tonight. i scored 3 goals. !!!! i don't think i've ever done that in a game. a hat trick. it was very fun. one was even a shot with my left foot. and i almost was so close to nailing a bycicle kick that i'm sure would have gone in if i would have connected with the ball. as it happened though, people just thought that it probably hurt. but it didn't because i have a beard now and i'm a man.

my dad and little sister came to watch me play, which was very nice considering how well i did tonight. my dad made a comment about how i play, he said that i just do things people don't expect me to be able to do (my hackey sack skillz are the reason) and i do it all with a very disarming smile. and i do frequently remember myself grinning like an idiot a lot while i played. i usually do. i just enjoy playing soccer, and i enjoy the people there. it's just fun. there's nothing else to worry about, just the game.

i need to remember to talk about intelligence sometime. i've been meaning to but i forgot, and this seems too long right now to get into that.

but i'll end with a thought i had while pushing carts today, and carts btw is a great thing to do when you'd like to just think about things. it's about joy and contentment.

it's not about pursuing joy, chasing after it, but seeing the joy around you and taking hold of it, loving it. that's contentment.

eh, not that good. i think whatever i thought of earlier today was better, but i didn't write it down so i can't remember. and it's not like i think you should go after things that make you happy and bring joy, but it's important to notice and be thankful for what you do have. which is what this day right now is about.

oh, and emo is going home for the weekend. whenever one of us goes away somewhere we have this tradition of wishing no death to each other. we just had that exchange via aim and it made me laugh.

"if you like it then you should have put a ring on it" - i have not been able to get that tune out of my head all day and it's driving me crazy, and it's probably good that no one heard me casually humming/maybepossiblyslightlysingingundermybreath that song. oh lulz.

the oldest bones

i opened my hands and it felt like opening the pages of old memories.

everything is there, etched in every line

all the stories in the skin

all the cracks filled in with time

Sad Prayers For Guilty Bodies

because i had the TIME to do this.  feels so good to have time.

alex had an interesting one posted, so let's see how it turns out for me.

Da Rulz:
1. Put Your iTunes/Windows Media Player/ETC on Shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS.
4. Put any comments in brackets after the song name.

1) If someone says, "Is this okay?" you say:
Red Stars Over the Battle of the Cowshed

2) How would you describe yourself?
Time is Running Out

3) What do you like in a girl/guy?
Yamete Shite Sawaranaide (bahaha that's japanese.  does that mean something?)

4) How do you feel today?
Come Down

5) What is your life's purpose?

What is Love?  (now my head is bobbing)

6) What is your motto?
Homesick

7) What do you friends think of you?
Don't Stop Believin' (haha)

8) What do you think of your parents?
HTML Rulez D00d

9) What do you think about very often?
Josie

10) What is 2+2?
Sleep

11) What do you think of your best friend?
I Just Got This Symphony Goin' (Live)

12) What do you think of the person you like?
Save Tonight  (sheesh)

13) What is your life story?
[Untitled Track]  (haha i like that.  it also happens to be a # 12 song, chock full of screaming and crazy guitars.  yeah)

14) What do you want to be when you grow up?
Swisha  (i wish something like "cutsman" would have come up)

15) What do you think of when you see the person you like?
Modefy the Pronunciation

16) What will you dance to at your wedding?
Are You Happy  (ohhh... that's definitely more of a breakup song, but the title sounds kinda nice)

17) What will they play at your funeral?
Irony of Dying on Your Birthday  (.....awe....)

18) What is your hobby/interest?
Choke On This

19) What is your biggest fear?
The Hardest Part (that works)

20) What is your biggest secret?
Who Wants to Die

21) What do you think of your friends?
The Fool (ahaha it's not true!)

22) What will you post this as?

Sad Prayers for Guilty Bodies